Posted by Mr Cushing on November 7, 2002, at 14:54:22
In reply to Re: November 7, Personal Update, posted by Krysti on November 7, 2002, at 13:26:41
I was told that I should eventually increase the Effexor simply due to my size and my ummmmm, well, I have a high tolerance for most drugs once I get them into my system. Effexor does work very well with my anxiety if I play with it a little bit. Like before I started on Depakote, I first tried taking Effexor 75mg per day till I started to get that "high" feeling that we were talking about yesterday. So I decreased my dosage to 75mg every 36 hours, and honestly, that took me out of probably the worst manic episode that I've had in my life. Well, not just the Effexor, Effexor combined with a small amount of Clonazepam. Therefore, my Doctor suggests that I use an AD along with a mood stabilizer, and since she's mentioned that she wants to increase my mood stabilizer untill I reach that point where "I" feel good, that we should probably bump my Effexor up just a little bit too.I'm not sure if this is common in Bi-Polars, but my episodes tend to last a long time. For example, in the last few years I'd be VERY manic for about 4-5 days, and then I'll exhaust myself and slip into depression for a few days till I start to become manic again. However, the depression is never something major, it's just a completely exhausted state combined with a tiny bit of depression.
However, before this kicked in, like 3 years ago, I was going through an incredibly depressed state for close to 5 years. I don't remember too much about how I felt during this time, but I remember having some manic symptoms every once in a while but nothing too bad. The main thing back then was the depression.
I think my increased anxiety state last night was because of the Clonazepam withdrawal somewhat. I really think it has more to do with the fact that I was on such a low dose of Depakote and a higher dose of SSRIs (Trazadone, Effexor). All I know is that after I fell asleep last night, after taking 50mg of Trazadone and 1mg of Clonazepam to get rid of those "daydreams", I woke up feeling fine today. At first I thought it was going to be one of those days where I just feel like I'm speeding all day, but honestly, right now I feel like I'm at maybe 70% of where I'd like to be, like where my "even keel" should be. That's a big improvement from recent weeks and the only thing I really did differently today was take an extra 125mg of Depakote.
My head is working fine, I wound up doing the books for my Dad's business today and that went just fine. I taught his partner the basics to using Simply Accounting (this guy has never used a computer before today). I also wound up in a discussion with a manager that could possibly hire me on in the future once I feel like I'm ready to go back to work. The whole "not working" thing is basically my own choice combined with my Doctor's. At the moment, it seems that I can lose my "even keel" VERY easily, and since the type of working environment that I'd be getting into would be rather stressful, I should wait untill I have a higher confidence in my mood stabilization.
On the other hand, when I'm balanced, like I'm feeling right now, I'm a very intelligent person. That's one of my phases that I never really grew out of... I absolutely LOVE learning just about anything. I'm not somebody that's very good with his hands. I'm not a real "people person" because I've always had trouble relating to other people. However, just about anything to do with using your head, any thinking process, I can manage to pick up almost instantly.
Even while I've been out of school and out of work during the past 8 months I've managed to become a "Certified Production and Inventory Control Manager" through a series of rather difficult examinations which I used just to test where my head was at. Like I only had to study when I felt like I could study, and I picked when I felt like I was ready to write the exam. I've also pretty much devoured another bookcase full of novels and stuff since I believe that being able to read and practicing it enables you to think more clearly and learn new material more quickly.
So I want to be at 100% before I start working for somebody else. I don't want to have that feeling where I know I could have done something much better but I'm just not at that point in my recovery yet. I'd rather sit out and focus on getting to that point and then becoming a huge asset to whomever hires me. Besides, I also have the tendency to throw myself into everything at 150%. I don't like doing something if I know I can't do it right or at least give it EVERYTHING I've got. I'm that way about every little detail in my life which is probably why I'm even still breathing today.
Damn... K, I'm writing a novel, time to stop... I'll post again later
Mike
poster:Mr Cushing
thread:126823
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20021101/msgs/126853.html