Posted by lilsis on October 13, 2002, at 15:23:46
hi everyone. i am sure you don`t feel like reading this but i wish that someone would talk about themselves and do a journal. so i hope that this helps you
let me start my journal with a little backround info on me. i am 17 years of age i am 69" tall and am 145lbs. when i was 12 that is when i believe my depression had started. i was cutting myself alot and wanted to die. i had wrote some poems about suicide and i believe that that helped because it was in a point of view if it were my friends and that madde me not want to kill myself because i wouldn`t want to hurt nyone else. so i just cut myself. then i started with my piercings that helped alot. then i got older and the scars faded. i will soon see if i can scan a pic of how bad it used to be because my parents were so nieve they believed the cat scratched me all the time. if anyone has a scanner send me their address and i will send it to them. and if anyone wants to see a few of my poems go to www.poetry.com and look up cindy partridge
fast forward to x-mas this year.....
the day after christmas i went down to check on my grandfather. no answer...the next day i found out he was dying while i was knocking at his door. if i had just called an ambulance and went with my gut feelings he might be here. then the next day they found him. dec 27. i had to call over 50 family members and tell everyone the news. that really hurt. bad...then at the funeral my grandmather said infront of everyone that it was my faiult that he was dead. now everyone hates me. two days later i found out that i had another sisterfor two months after that everynight i cried myself to sleep.
another coupla bad things that happened in the last two years was my friend got stabbed and another got hit and killed by a transfer truck.
i do not handle death welloh and i was raped twice.
up to date. i was keeping an online effexor journal but then i got switched to celexa. i only took half last night but i am terrified to take antidepressannts now because of effexor. never been so scared in my entire life. but i will try themoh and my backround with drugs since my doc blames my depression on them.
the ones i have done to get high:
cokaine
extacy
weed
hash
majic mushrooms
lsd
dexitrin to increase buzz
pcp
lots of ritalin
cafinne pills
alcohol
dolattas(synthetic herion)
and pretty much everything except herion in the vein and opium....and just so u know i had a bad coke problem, especially in school. and my motto was god bless rum and coke thursday for school.
i quit it all except dexi`s which i find help me when i eat them as long as it is 2 15mg`s. and smoking cigarettes which i quit on....wednesday..
anyways this is long. my doctor doesn`t know much of this but now you do. you try and diagnose me. plus i find helping others makes me feel better so by you all trying to help me that helps you which helps me so we all become happy. at anytime email me. my email is cindy@plur2k.com
poster:lilsis
thread:123485
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20021012/msgs/123485.html