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Can an Acid Trip cause severe depression?

Posted by Jefff on October 3, 2002, at 16:08:56

Howdy All,
When I was 19 (Im now 33) I was under the influence of a hit of acid one night and while looking in the mirror I noticed that my hairline had receded SLIGHTLY at the temples. I immediately became convinced that I was going bald and a depression (one of the worst, strongest, darkest, most unimaginably painful) hit me like a sledge hammer. I hoped that I was just having a bad reaction to the acid, but it didnt go away. It began a severe depressive episode that had me convinced I was balding, that Id be bald within months to several years and that the only way out of the pain of going bald was to kill myself. The pain was THAT severe that I simply could not imagine going through life with thinning hair. There was NO hope and I would rather have died. I was obsessed with it and I could not think or imagine any other thing on earth except the hopeless feeling that I was balding and Id have to eventually kill myself to end this pain. The obsession was so ridiculous that I would literally burn with a lighter every hair I found on my clothes, or where ever, in order to gauge how many were falling out each day. I was also convinced that everyone else could notice the hairloss, which added severely to my already severe and life long social anxiety. I even had blood tests done in hopes that I was suffering from something hormonal that would cause hairloss... I wasnt (and thanks to my idiot parents and Dr. for not recognizing that I needed mental help instead).
I suffered through this hell for over a year until I finally decided that before I killed myself I would have to force myself into having sex/intimacy, as due to my life long severe social anxiety, depression and severely low self esteem I had never had any sexual experiance. When I was almost 21 I finally met someone and developed a relationship (first and last one) and I tried to "pretend" that I wasnt balding. The depression got better but the hair thoughts remained in the back of my head always.
Then when I was about 25 it happened all over again only this time was almost worse (and without the acid this time). I guess I had a "nervous breakdown". I became unimaginably depressed, obsessed and convinced that I was still balding and that my hair was all of a sudden very thin and very noticable.
Luckily I had myself in therapy at that point and I went on prozac, which basically allowed me to think clearly after a few months and realize that I wasnt balding as rapidly as I thought....(and BTW, I probably never was balding since now at age 33 I still have basically as much hair as I always had, which is basically a full head of hair... just receded a bit at the temples to form a slight widows peak...). But I honestly still grapple with fear of it getting worse though.
My question (finally) is can the acid have caused or contributed to the first crazy, depressive episode even though I suffered from depression/anxiety long before the acid? And does anyone have any opinion on what or why I would have such severe depressive/obsessive episodes that only focussed on hair loss and wanting to kill myself over it?
thanks, Jeff


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poster:Jefff thread:122163
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020930/msgs/122163.html