Posted by Jill on September 19, 2002, at 23:06:42
In reply to Re: OCD/Catholicism article » Jill, posted by johnj on September 19, 2002, at 19:08:07
John,
Thanks for writing back. I was feeling badly I'd made you feel bad. I feel so much better now. Now I can sleep :).
God bless you, and my sincere best wishes. I, too, received counseling from my priest friend, Daniel, at one of my lowest points, and it really helped. He was the only one that was able to comfort me at the time...especially since my obsessions had mostly to do with God and religion. I'm really happy I talked with him because I was feeling so awful all the time about my weird thoughts...trying to suppress them because they'd freak me out. Of course, with OCD, the more you suppress thoughts, the more prevalent those thoughts become. I thought I was totally terrible, evil, and nutso. Another counselor and a psychiatrist also helped me to understand what OCD is (it's not just people washing their hands all the time), which also made me feel less guilty and wacky. OCD is insidious since you always seem to obsess on the thing that's most terrible to you. For me that was obsessing about being against God and hurting people I really love. (Luckily I have only a mild-moderate case. I met a man once who lived in fear that he'd poison his wife. It was very sad and debilitating for him.)
I'm so glad you've found comfort too. It really helped me when my friend Daniel reassured me about my OCD that "It's not personal...it's plumbing"...meaning that I should not feel guilty for the OCD thoughts. He said he knew grandmothers with OCD that wouldn't hold their grandchildren because they lived in fear that they'd harm them.
He said that he (and everyone) has crazy thoughts. He said, though, that people with OCD can't let them go...unlike people without OCD. He said that he's had fleeting thoughts like "Oh, this little kid is sitting on my lap...I could choke her." But then, he realizes that's just a weird thought and it goes away. He knows it doesn't mean he wants to do it.
For me (and others with OCD), when I have those thoughts, I have to repeat "good" thoughts over and over to kind of "erase" the bad thought. Like a personal ritual to neutralize the thought. I know it sounds weird, but that's what it's like...or having to count in a pattern or kiss my fiance 3 times...although he doesn't seem to mind that ;). However, luckily, with medication, it's much easier for me to brush those weird thoughts aside. My finance and I even talk about OCD moments (he doesn't have OCD, but does have weird thoughts at times and then tells me about them and I feel better).
My friend Daniel said that God was sad that I felt so much pain and wanted me to feel comforted and loved. That really helped me.
Be well, and thank you for writing back. I hope you have a restful and happy weekend.
Jill
poster:Jill
thread:1924
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020914/msgs/120478.html