Posted by etherize on September 17, 2002, at 14:25:37
So I've been off Effexor now for two weeks, and I am amazed that I could be this depressed. I guess I thought it might be gone, but I think my circumstances make it difficult to be cheery.
I take ativan to sleep (have for years) for fear of insomnia (which I had for years), and I still wake up early and anxious and depressed. Somehow I can't bring myself to go outside, although I know I should. I spend hours reading things that are depressing, and just ruminating on how depressing my life is.
I believe I've had depression since I was a kid. I have advanced AIDS and I've been unemployed for three years. I have no friends, or real family. My two brothers live in another town. My few friends have drifted off (they live in another town). My husband is miserable with his job and his life, and he's mildly depressed, too. Even my cat is terminally ill.
I can actually see the humor in this tragedy, even though I can't laugh at it. I got off Effexor because I was tired of feeling dull and stupid and zombie-like. I couldn't genuinely smile, much less laugh. Now I feel as though I could smile if there were something to smile about. The tradeoff seems to be either numbing out with ADs or feeling--and feeling bad.
I'm sorry this is so long, but thanks for reading it. Tomorrow I go to a new therapist, but I'm not hopeful. Next week I see a psychiatrist. Meanwhile, I'm half-tempted to get out the bottle of Effexor I still have in the cupboard, but I'm not sure that's the solution, either.
poster:etherize
thread:120156
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020914/msgs/120156.html