Posted by audrey on September 10, 2002, at 22:32:27
Just a warning before I start typing -- this is going to be whiny and annoying. I am sort of freaking out right now. I feel like I can't get a handle on anything in my life, like I'm suffocating, like my skin is crawling and I just want to scratch it all off. I don't know what to do when I get like this, which has been more and more often. Even though I finally found a good pdoc and feel like someone has finally diagnosed me correctly (bi-polar II). I started taking Depakote last Thursday -- can anyone give me an idea of how long it will take before I start to notice any positive effects? I've been taking Klonopin for a while, and still am, but it doesn't seem to be doing much for me. I just really feel like I'm going crazy and I can't take it much longer. I thought Depakote was supposed to cause drowsiness, but I've barely slept since I started taking it. This is so much like when I had these episodes in college, and I couldn't concentrate on anything, so I would just start copying the dictionary for hours in the middle of the night. I can tell tonight is just going to be another night of pacing around, thinking too much about everything, going crazy, wanting so very badly to just die and be done with it all. And then I'll have to go to work tomorrow and act like I'm normal. I think so much about just going away somewhere, just leaving, but of course my screwed up mind will just follow me. I've managed to maintain an illusion of normalcy for other people for all these years, but I really feel like I'm unravelling, and I don't know if I can do this anymore. I'm so grateful for this message board, even if no one responds, because I have no one I can turn to, and this is a way to "get it out" in a medium other than my journal. But seriously, if someone could just tell me if they've had a similar experience when starting Depakote, or how long it takes for the Depakote to lessen my hypomania. I just need to know that it's going to get better. Or is this just not the right medication for me? Argh! I wish I could just quit dwelling on it. I wish I could concentrate enough to just read a book or write instead of focusing on THIS. Well, thanks to anyone who listened. And thanks to anyone who can try to answer my questions about the med.
Good night.
Audrey
poster:audrey
thread:119510
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020906/msgs/119510.html