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Re: dissociative reaction » Chloe

Posted by Ritch on September 3, 2002, at 9:05:56

In reply to Re: ECT-I am feeling worse... » Ritch, posted by Chloe on September 2, 2002, at 16:46:19

> > > Hi All
> > > I have had 5 treatments of ECT, and I think I am worse off than I started. After the first three, I was feeling pretty good, giddy, silly, happy. Then treatment #4 I had a really uncontrolled seizure that lasted 114 seconds. I woke up really confused and my memory felt like it was erased. It's rather disconcerting to lose your memory, but in the beginning it was fun. Now I feel scared and lost and more suicidal than ever. I have nothing left to loose. Everything that can be done for me has been tried. Maybe I just wasn't meant to live on this Earth.
> > > I am off the Depakote and Neurontin. That is a big relief to me. But the small amount to of Li, doxepin, Celexa and valium just isn't cutting it. What the hell am I supposed to do now? When the treatment of last resort didn't even work...
> > > I am scared. And I am not sure who I am anymore...
> > >
> > > Chloe
> >
> >
> > Chloe,
> >
> > Some of your current symptoms may be the 'hangover' from the ECT treatments. From what I understand it takes a few weeks after ECT before your memory can start to become accessible again. It sounds like some depersonalization experience to me, anyhow. Try not to let your thoughts get stuck about (treatment of last resort). There are some other options that you haven't tried, MAOI's, thyroid augmentation, etc.
> >
> > sorry you are having such
> > a harsh time,
> >
> > Mitch
> >
>
> Hi Mitch,
> Thanks so much for writing. It is really scary to feel so confused. I think I am remembering things, then I find I forgot what I was trying to remember.
> My pdoc finally called my back last night. She thought I was having some type of dissociative (or depersonalization, like you said) episode and I should take more valium or and AP. So I took more valium, and did feel a little better. I just don't understand why this would happen to me. I wish I understood better how ECT worked. Do you know why it impairs memory, and why it takes time to be able to make new memories again?
>
> Thank heavens for you people out here on the net. I am not supposed to be living alone while having ECT. But I really don't have a choice. I don't have anyone who can stay with me...So you all have been a real life line for me. Hopefully I won't forget that!
> Thanks again, Mitch for reaching out to me.
> Chloe
>
>

Hey no problem! I was reading something somewhere the other day about how ECT "wipes out" your ability to access memories that were formed just previous to the ECT session. Then after some time they start to become accessible again. It's like they aren't erased, the "accessibility" is what gets temporarily wiped. Oddly enough, it is probably this broken accessibility of recent memories that seems to be therapeutic. I suppose it breaks ruminative depressive "loops" in your thinking. You mentioned feeling a lot better after one session. It is obviously effecting some sort of positive changes.

hang in there,

Mitch


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poster:Ritch thread:118438
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020829/msgs/118647.html