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Manic Much?

Posted by EmilyAnn on July 6, 2002, at 20:47:01

Hi there. I just wanted to vent about what's been going on with me for the past few days. Ok, here goes:

First of all I have been suffering from chronic headaches for the past five months. No change in meds are stressors can be contributed to this.

For the past two weeks, my depression and anxiety have been so bad that I've been having trouble getting out of the house. I haven't even been going to meetings (recovery program).

All this past week, I was feeling a bit ill. Then when I went to see my new psychiatrist it all went down hill.

I posted here about my concerns about taking the Welbutrin SR again after it did not work. But I did it anyway. I was on a low does of Effexor XR (75/mg). Stopped taking that Tuesday and began Welbutrin SR on Wed. Also cut back the Neurotin from 600mg to 400mg to wiene off of it.

So, here's what happened:

Thursday I was feeling like S**T. The headache, of course was there. I felt SO dizzy. Sometimes when I would forget to take the Effexor (esp. when I was drinking a lot) I would get dizzy. So the dizziness could very well be attributed to me stopping the Effexor at the doc's suggestions.
But I was also feeling SO nausous. I did throw up a little, but not much. It was more like a queesy feeling all over. I was scared and getting angry.

As the day when on I got increasingly aggitated and irritable. I finally had it. I asked my mom to take me to the ER. Before that I was crying and screaming all at the same time.

I was so concerned that at the ER center they would think I was crazy. When the nurse asked what was wrong I told her my symptoms (actually my mom did b/c I was just a mess emotionally). My mother told the nurse that I have been having these headaches and that my primary doc says it's coz I smoke cigarettes (yeah right) and the nurse said that the ER doc would probably say the same thing. I lost it, threw my purse and started cursing. I just couldn't understand why no one took me seriously with my headaches. I've been smoking off an on (mostly on) since I was 14 (I am now 25)...so how could it be that? I'm sure smoking doesn't help, but that is not the source of the headaches. I know the reason I was freaking out so much was frustration, but also b/c I was having a manic episode. It was like I knew I was and I could not control it.

The doctor came in and said (very condisendingly) "you're here b/c you have a headache?" I just lost it...I started crying. He said, ah, you are manic. Ya think? :) He gave me a little neurological exam (kinda like a sobriety test w/ the walking a straight line and all). He treated me like I was nutty...which at that point I was...but I thought that DRs were supposed to be compassionate? So, my dx on my discharge papers said headache and bipolar! This ER Center was not a hospital, just a small place with no real equip. But he suggested I get an MRI when I could.

Ok, so the next day I go to another doctor and called my psychiatrist and left a message. I did not go to my primary doctor (she is away and I did not want to go to her anyway). The doc I saw is in the same practice as my primary. He said that there was nothing in my chart about headaches!! I've been telling my primary about them for months (when I would go in for something else, I would discuss it with her and then she'd say quit smoking, you'll be fine). I was SO upset that she didn't EVEN WRITE it in my chart. So, needless to say, she is no longer my doctor.

So this doctor ordered some blood work and an MRI, which I have to take a week from today. He said it is probably not neurological...maybe musclar like a tension headache, maybe migranes. But at least he did not look and treat me like I was crazy, he listened to me. Shame, he's not taking new patients.

So, when I get home....my psychiatrist calls me....He is SUCH a jerk. He was rude to my mother when he called and rude to me. He said well this isn't my fault! (like I said it was...darn). Also my cordless phone makes a weird noise when it's not charged properly...and he asked what that noise was, I told him. He asked if the conversation was being tape-recorded! What an a**!! And it was like he was annoyed with me for having an episode and messing up his holiday weekend to have to call me...oh well, he should have chosen a different profession. He said he'd call in a script for Zyprexa!! Hello! I'm not psychotic. I am thankful for that. My friend used to have hallucinations and deluscions and he said it was not fun at all...he's ok w/ his meds. Anyway...I expressed concern, he said no it's for your mood it will stabilize you.

So, after stewing for a little bit after I got off the phone. I left him a message telling him he was no longer my dr and that he was the rudest and most insensitive dr I have ever had the misfortune of being treated by (which is so not like me to stick up for myself and say something like that to someone).

My old couselor called me and calmed me down. I had called him earlier and he returned my call.
He said that I totally do not need a heavy duty med like Zyprexa. And I trust him...he has been the only person that has truly helped me and cared. He reminded me to go to meetings (he's in recovery too, so he understands). And he totally validated my feelings and also my anger towards my psychiatrist...he told me that he has had patients come to him from that dr and they have been on too much or the wrong medicine. So, I felt a bit better that it wasn't just me...because when I'm manic I'm not sure if I'm just blowing thing out of proportion or not. I was really doubting myself. I am so blessed to know this person, my old counselor. I wish I could afford to keep going to him.

So, this is what I am doing now. I'm going back to what my old dr had me on (75 Effexor and 600 neurotin)...I was depressed, but damn at least I was stable and not manic and physically ill. In the meantime, I'll be finding a new psychiatrist...ASAP.

My mom took care of me. I feel bad...I get very angry with her b/c she does not know how to deal with me, esp when I'm manic. I get angry b/c she thinks of herself and takes things too personally. But I can't blame her...she's a good woman and I know she loves me. She doesn't understand and I think she gets scared and doesn't know what to do. My friend also came to help me. He rode his bike a half an hour at midnight to come to the ER, came over my house, and slept over just to help me. I am lucky I have people who care about me around me, even thougth they are not perfect...but hell, neither am I, can't expect them to be!

I feel better today. Headache is there (always is, and I mean always, no exaggeration)...but the dizziness and nausea are pretty much totally gone. So that's SUCH a good thing. I'm going to a late meeting tonight to help my recovery from alcohol and drugs, b/c I know if I neglect that I'll be even sicker (mentally, emotionally...) and I might use again if I don't stick with the program.

I have been praying for all of you. I really appreciate having a forum to vent and talk where people understand. I hope all of you are doing well and are having a safe and fun holiday.

God bless you.

-Bernadette


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Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:EmilyAnn thread:111608
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020628/msgs/111608.html