Posted by PamelaLynn on May 12, 2002, at 9:57:48
In reply to What is the point of being on or off, posted by Allen F. on May 11, 2002, at 18:29:58
I totally can relate to everything you've written here and I understand! I just recently went off, over the long haul all of the meds that I was on for depression.....had been on for YEARS. I thought, "damn, I feel horrible on these, maybe getting off will help"...Well, it doesn't seem to matter either way. I sleep on and off so much even NOT being on the meds. that I wonder what the hell is truly wrong with me...I mean, this can't be right, you know? I don't much participate in things, family functions, stuff like that. I have a 5 and a 3 yr old and I feel like the worlds worst Mom.....forget even getting into my husband and I......I too am at the end of my rope here, and just sick and tired of being sick and tired. I HURT and I HATE it. Nothing but continual hurt inside of me....it stinks.
> What is the point of being on or off ... I feel like my life is so screwed-up either way it doesn't matter. Its been so long since I have been happy that I can't remember it ... and I want to. I want to laugh, to feel joy, excitment, pleasure. I think the drugs have killed my emotions, good and bad, and left me in a barren land. It sucks!
> I don't like being tired all the time. I want a normal sleep schedule. I don't want to keep seeing doctors. I don't want to pour out my soul to someone only to find their answers are worse than mine. I am tired of being "diagnosed." I want to be a person, real, loved, happy, normal.
> Damn. Can't tell I am frustrated can you. Tommorrow is Mothers Day and I don't want to ruin it for my wife or mother. Tuesday is my 20th wedding anaversity, I have looked forward for this for a long time. But all I hear is how bad it is and I thinking of filing on Monday ... that sucks. I love my wife, but is love enough.
> Oh well, I have gone on way to long.