Posted by sid on May 2, 2002, at 10:10:28
Not sure where I should post this, so it's here AND on PSB...
Hello all -
I saw my doc this morning, and she played phsychotherapist. I go to a doc and take drugs precisely because I'm done with psychotherapy - I know myself well, my qualities, my flaws, and I am fine with it all. I am very excentric in one part of my life, and I'm fine with it too, as long as people around me don't bother me, i.e. as long as they accept me and don't make my life hellish. A previous therapist wanted me to change this excentric part of me, which I repeatedly told him I did not want to change, until I stopped seeing him because he was wasting my time and making me feel bad about myself.
Now this doc gets to the same thing: I need to change. She pisses me off, makes me cry, not because it is a sore point, as I told her, but because I feel judged and unaccepted by her, as by most people, unfortunately. I tell her this is the way I am, period. If you can't take it, I'll go to another doc, there's plenty of them. She says fine, but know that whenever you feel like talking about it, I'm open to it. She gives me my prescription and I'm out of there.
I then go to the pharmacy, and oops, she doubled my dose !!! Without discussing it with me !!! She knows I don't like to take meds, I don't want high doses, and because I don't agree with her on what MY lifestyle should be, she increases my dosage. Nice work, doc. Mmmmm. That's why I never wanted to take meds before. I was probably right too.
So I'm currently on 75mg of Effexor XR a day, and I never thought I'd say this, but I'm thinking of quitting cold turkey. I won't do it, I know better, but sdhe can take her increase in dosage and shove it. Nobody treats me like that! I am so furious. I told the pharmacist she made a mistake, that I'm on 75mg a day. She'll call the doc to verify and we'll see. It better be a mistake. I was already unhappy with her services when I got out of there, if she changed the dosage on purpose without discussing it with me, I am not sure what I will do. Probably go see some other doc and taper off ASAP. My sister tried to control me all my life - this doc does not realize how control-resistant I had to become just to survive this far.