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Re: No Kris Kringle Crank; Topamania!

Posted by JohnX2 on December 22, 2001, at 20:35:03

In reply to No Kris Kringle Crank; Topamania!, posted by JohnX2 on December 21, 2001, at 23:09:15

Well i got to sleep at 6:00 am.
Woke up at 3:00 pm. (Amazingly no hangover)

Pursued my cool idea i cooked up last
night regarding building a custom
indoor golf driving range using
plumbing tubing and sport netting.
Was feeling pretty normal.

Eventually mild depression has set in.
Usual apathy, emptyness. Feel like
staying in bed. I hate you mr. bipolar!
Get out of my life! It's only a matter of
time before you get a one way ticket to
visit mr. myofacial pain!


> Hi Gang!
> Ok, here's what transpired with the
> pdoc (i type this as i come off a hypomania).
> Please excuse the long message, as i am
> a bit hypomanic.
> Basically I stumbled on to Topamax 2 weeks
> ago and it has been a safe haven with regards
> to relieving severe myofacial pain that to date
> has only resonded reasonably to klonopin, and
> I have tried literally every anti-convulsant
> and mood stabilizer besides lithium. Other
> meds that have worked were intolerable or addictive
> (Serzone/Klonopin). For some reason, my body loves
> Topamax, I just bumped the dose to 400 mg/day and I
> only get slight benzo like side effects. The lab rats
> that they invented this on must have had dna like
> mine or something. I dunno. Maybe this is a my
> gift from Santa. I was just about to think that
> I would be on Klonopin forever.
> So my current pdoc is the first to diagnose me
> as Bipolar II. I sorta fit the discription, but not
> really, but at the same time you could make an argument
> that i fit the discription for add. Its a tough
> call sometimes for the hypomania.
> Generally I am just dysphoric and really antsy. I can't
> sit still and feel very compelled to get up and move around.
> Driving my car calms me down greatly. Sensory input is good.
> Drinking caffeine is good. Before learning about
> psychiatry I always wondered why I had this really
> bizzare caffeine addiction (If I didn't have it I
> couldn't sit still, whereas most people get edgy).
> Before slumping into depression ~3 yrs ago, stimulants
> always gave me a pretty good "buzz", although
> I don't know what it does for someone else, i
> assume it was stronger for me. maybe either without
> the stimulant I was depressed, or with the
> stimulant i was hypomanic? Or maybe I am mild
> ADD and have a dopamine imbalance?
> Now, you could argue that I was hypomanic most of
> the time and had stimulant cravings to feed more
> fuel to the fire, lest slip into depression.
> That seems to be my current pdocs position.
> He also seems to lean towards the school of thought
> of staying on mood stablizers and away from ADs
> until the last straw, so he was a bit pissed that
> I started Wellbutrin on the sly. It was my 1st visit with
> him that I was in an agitated state and had the
> potential to blow up and screw the relationship
> but I kept my cool and only got in one dig pointing
> out that we agreed that we would try topamax five
> months ago and it shouldn't have taken
> so long to try it (ie. I should have know 4 months
> back that it was a majic bullet).
> But he wanted a neurologist to address the headache
> issue and there was a lot of doctor shuffling and crap which
> I thought was bullshit. Just give me the damn med
> and let me take it for a few days. What's the big
> #%@$%@ deal who prescribes it. I hate the formality
> BS. The pdoc is good (very well booked), but is
> also very formal, which I hate.
> So when he asked why I started the wellbutrin
> without asking, I said because "you would have
> told me to wait for my next appointment before
> taking any further action". He saw my point, but
> asked me to stop the wellbutrin.
> He asked me to raise my Topamax dose from 200 mg
> to 400 mg. I still take 150 Mg Lamictal and a pinch
> of Zyprexa and ~ 4 mg Klonopin. He told me that
> he wanted to wipe out all traces of hypomanic
> symptoms and if I still had depression problems
> then we could sneak an AD in the back door.
> I told him I thought the higher dose of Topamax
> would help with the Klonopin tapering but its
> strong anti-manic effect may make me feel depressed.
> He disagreed and said if anything it might make
> me hypomanic. I asked about the restlessness and
> he said it was hypomania/mixed state and should
> go away if the mood stabilizer are working. I.E
> So I dopped WB to 100 mg (never drop a med
> completly..always taper) and bumped Topamax to
> 400 mg and had a nice mexican dinner with 2
> fishbowl margaritas (*uck it, its the holidays).
> WHAMO, major hypomania struck with all the
> dopamine to boot, but without the restlessness
> shit. the GOOD hypomania. dopamine, grandiousity, talkativeness,
> alertness, confidence, quick thoughts, etc.
> So don't know what clicked. Could just be
> me cylcling. Or the WB kicked in. Or mixing
> alcohol with drugs. dunno.
> BTW, I went into work on Tuesday and got
> a call from my doctor confirming my Thursday
> appt. I told the receptionist she was mistaken and
> that the appt was Wednesday. She said i was wrong.
> I popped up a calender and found out it was
> indeed on Thursday, and that I missed work on
> Monday. I don't know what happened to Monday.
> No Bullshit. Last thing I remember was wathching
> "Citizin Cane" on Saturday night and then sleeping
> for a really really long time and then going into
> work. Lost: Monday Dec 17, 2001. If you find it
> will you please return it to me. thnx.
> Regards,
> John
> >
> > Well its that time of year and I opted out
> > of visiting my family because I just saw the
> > peckerheads in Nov and its too cold up there.
> > So now I get some time to myself, but unfortunately
> > that time may include the holidays. I don't want
> > to be sitting in my bed depressed at this most
> > vulnerable time of year for me. I'm still tinkering
> > in the middle of a Wellbutrin trial, but don't know
> > when it will kick in.
> >
> > So tomorrow I see my pdoc, and I'm wondering if it
> > would be out of line to really push him hard just this
> > once to write me a 2 week script for Adderall. This would
> > get me through this tough time, help me lose the 15 lbs
> > I gained on Zyprexa, and help me get a lot of things
> > done around the house that have been sorely in need
> > of attention. Personally, I'm not convinced I shouldn't
> > be on a stimulant anyways. I've been prescribed
> > Adderall twice by 2 other pdocs. So far Adderall is the only
> > thing that consistantly relieved my depression. Go
> > for it?
> >
> > -john




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