Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

ex drug-addicts and psychopharmocology

Posted by Peter on November 29, 2001, at 1:03:02

Hi:
Is anyone out there an ex-addict taking prescribed medications for neurological disorder(s)? The reason I ask is because I am and I'm very disturbed and confused. I stopped taking heroin/cocaine in 1997. I had gone to rehab, programs, etc, but I continued to relapse. When I was still on heroin , right before my last detox, I started going to a respectable pdoc. He immediately diagnosed me as bipolar (though I don't even remember what I told him at the consultation). So, when detox was complete, he placed me on depakote. I've been on depakote ever since, and have found over a few years of being mostly sober that alot of other problems came to the surface(SP, depression, etc.). So, over the years he's placed me on many medications, including AD's, other mood stabilizers, anti-anxiety agents, and even dopamine agonists. At times I felt like a gineau pig. Whenever we tried an SSRI for depression/anxiety, I ended up becoming more impulsive and usually relapsing on cocaine. So, after years of testing and trying, my final med combination that I'm on now is depakote, klonopin, and adderall. Yes, I'm aware of the abuse potential of two of these drugs. I've been sober for a few years and I haven't abused either med. Still, some say that addicts who stop abusing drugs and move to prescribed medication are still doing the same thing they always did - covering up unwanted feelings and avoiding the core issues. Then again, many would say that drug abuse in itself is a common way of self-medicating an unknown underlying neurological disorder. But I must say- that addictive, immediate-gratification side of me is still very active. I really have to watch myself when I'm feeling something I don't want to feel, because next thing I know I'll be begging my doctor for some sort of immediate relief with medication. But he's well aware of my history with drugs, and he still thinks my current med regimen is logical and can be very beneficial to my 'diagnosis', which, I've recently been told, MIGHT include ADD. Even if I don't have ADD, he believes the adderall, in correctly prescribed dosing, can help me with motivation/concentration problems. And it can help with depressive episodes without leading me into increased impulsivity and undesirable side-effects like I got from the SSRI's. But, as an ex-addict, I find that I want to be absolutely sure that his diagnosis of me is accurate, and many very helpful people on this site have suggested brain SPECT scans and complete neuropsychological testing for more accurate verification of my diagnosis. But my doctor claims that those things won't help in the slightest and that he's quite convinced that what we are doing is right. I'm just confused and unsure about everything; I still go through periods thinking about my life and realizing that I've never really spent any time as an adult without substances, either illegal or prescribed (I'm 25). How do I really know I even have a neurological disorder? Well, my doctor agreed to repect my decision a few months ago to taper off of everything to see if I NEED the medication. So I tapered the depakote over a few months. Then all of a sudden sept. 11 happened, and other terrible things occured in my life, and I found myself crawling back to my pdoc asking for relief. So that test didn't work. He decided to try me on Luvox (the only SSRI I hadn't tried), but we decided in light of past SSRI experience and after reconsidering my childhood history, that I would go on adderall. It has helped and I like it, but it's just another substance I depend on, without really knowing if my brain chemically needs it. I'm worried and confused; part of me wants to get off meds to see if I need them, another part wants to just relax and trust the doc and continue to take my medication. But sometimes I perceive medication similarly to how I perceived drugs of abuse - I obsess over them and I try to get the 'perfect' combo to make my life always great, which, as we all know, isn't possible. So I just don't know what to do. Sorry for the lengthiness. Any advice?
Peter


Share
Tweet  

Thread

 

Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post


Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.

 

Start a new thread

 
Google
dr-bob.org www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for
in

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:Peter thread:85484
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20011123/msgs/85484.html