Posted by Delphine on November 11, 2001, at 14:27:17
In reply to Re: I want to die, posted by Adam on November 10, 2001, at 17:11:03
I am beginning to consider being completely honnest with my doctor even though that has not always helped in the past. I am just so sick of lying and omitting information. It makes it look as though I am ashamed (and probably convinces me that I should be) when in fact I am not. I just fear being judged or misinterpreted. I may go out on a limb though. Who knows what might happen?
> I wouldn't be worried about letting your doctor down. Tell him everything you are feeling. He's not there to judge you, he's there to provide medical help and support.
> I've felt this way, pretty much. It never hurt to discuss it, and through those discussions I learned about the possible benefits of hospitalization. I eventually went to the hospital, and it was a very good move.
> I'm in better shape these days. I can't always say that my doctors were 100% helpful in getting me to where I am now, but I do know that I was worse off when no one knew how I felt. Communicating your feelings to someone is a sound policy. Good things come of it, the majority of the time.
> > I want to die. I don't have any plan or anything. I just feel that way. I don't want to tell my doc because I'm afraid he'll be disappointed after all the effort he has put in me. And I have betrayed him. I said I wouldn't drink and I have. I said I would respect my prescription and I haven't. I was hoping "this" (this evil depression) would go away a month ago so I didn't say anything. It hasn't. What now? I think I should call the hospital, maybe. But then I'll be a huge fucking disappointment and they'll put me on APs or something. I don't want that. I would rather die.