Posted by shelliR on October 30, 2001, at 17:31:43
In reply to Re: hanging in there » shelliR, posted by judy1 on October 29, 2001, at 0:09:07
> I'm so sorry you are feeling so down, do you think you've become tolerant to the oxycontin? I'm tapering my fentanyl and can I ever feel it. I never had luck with stimulants and depression (re: cocaine) they just make me anxious and depressed. Is it possible to go a little higher on the oxy and see what happens?
I am doing okay. But I probably am getting more habituated to this dose of the oxy. I used to get a little buzz after it took effect but no longer feel that. Still it takes about an hour to kick in and I go from feeling bad to okay. But the bad is not as bad, and the okay is not as good as when I go up in dose. If it were up to me, here's the place where I would raise it a bit. :-) We are still working on combinations using stimulents and wellbutrin to help out. I don't think they hurt, I just don't know if they're much help.
> I lost 2 days in San Francisco (maybe there is a song there)- sent my shrink enough sourdough bread for his entire block and my therapist ghiradelli chocolate, but I don't remember any of it and I guess I'll have to wait and see my credit card. You made a couple of good points- possibly the pregnancy and my son is 9 (like you I have memory problems at 8) so there may be a connection. I saw my shrink and therp this week and I'm working hard although you just scared me with the idea of writing something down; you are a lot more confident than I am with even the possibility of alters.
Well it easier for me to be confident. First of all I've been in the hospital many times with lots of people with DID, and also a support group with other people with dissociative disorders, so I am very used to the diagnosis. It doesn't even seem strange to me anymore, just painful. I don't know how you can get through it without looking at the abuse at all, but I know that EMDR has helped a lot of people go through the
abuse much more quickly and easily.
Second, because I don't lose time, my life has been much more stable than people with the DID diagnosis. I get scared and sad and depressed but so far nobody inside acts out. I think there are still secrets in me, but they're not even close to the surface, and other things have been worked through, hopefully fully.
I'm guessing that my abuse was much less awful than the people I know with DID. Also I wonder if the tapering of the fentanyl (you said you were starting to feel it) may be affecting parts that the opiates helped keep inside before. When you say you can feel the tapering, do you mean physically, or depression-wise or both.
Were your family scared out of their minds last weekend, or have they sort of gotten used to this?
> We can share our balloon ankles together- make sure you put your legs up whenever you can. I hope tomorrow looks brighter to you, all my best- Judy