Posted by Lorraine on October 22, 2001, at 9:20:40
In reply to Re: hanging in there » Lorraine, posted by shelliR on October 18, 2001, at 21:11:05
> > >I didn't realize that you thought that you had pushed yourself into depression. I thought you thought it was more hormonal. Were you still working when the depression hit? Is that what you meant by pushing youself into depression?
Yes--not just working, but working for an emotionally abusive man in an incredibly stessful job.
> > > So what is the "J" part of you? I always thought of Js as showing good taste and judgment, but also tending to be more critical. Where does your J come out? Does it have anything to do with pushing yourself. I know you are very picky about your house (colors, etc).
Oh, yeah, I'm a perfectionist big time, just in a different way
> > > Well, it gets very complicated because I don't remember much at all about the past, especially my family. Zero. No meals together, etc. Some bad memories, but not horrific. We've done some work with the kids, first with my last therapist and then some with this one. And the little ones are in a good place. I'm not so sure about the 8 to 10 year olds. They don't want to talk.
It must be hard to move forward when you don't know what you are up against--the 8-10 year old not talking
[re marraige and kids] > > It seems like kids both widen the gulf, but also bring parents together, because there is always that to share.
This is true. It's just easy to shift the focus to the kids and forget about maintaining the marriage.
> > > I wish there was something else I could say besides digital. Writing it up was fairly easy, and I did use digital. ("are printed digitally using archival ink on heavy weight archival mat surface paper and Piezography™BW software.")
This sounds great. Will people--other than experts in your area know what Piezography BW software is?
> > >Maybe I should leave the digatial out and just talk about archival paper and ink and Piezography BW software when people call?
I think you will end up doing more explaining this way. Everyone knows what digital is--maybe "digitally enhanced"?
> > >Plus, he has me writing from different voices--the child, the mother, the whore, the madonna, the hag, the crone. It's amazing how hard it was to write from the child.
> Were those the voices he heard in your writing? Was the child so hard because of your burning? Were you a regular, normal kid before that?
No, he does this with everyone. The child was hard because I didn't have much of a childhood to connect to. That is what was so enriching to me about having kids--that I got a chance through them to experience a good childhood. I have no idea who I was b/4 I was burned. My mom says I was like my daughter--who is actually quite outgoing, but I think it changed my brain chemistry.
> > > p.s., my pdoc added concerta to my mixture. I got very spacy today, so he is cutting down both the nardil and wellbutrin. It is unusual for me to hear a pdoc say it sounds like toxcity and want to bring my meds down instead of insisting that I'll get used to them. I almost went into the hosptial to add the concerta; instead I am seeing him almost every day, outpatient.
How are you doing now? The Nardil is working I think, but I am struggling with some side effects--sexual dysfunction, sinus congestion (had this on Effexor also), afternoon sluggishnish, weight gain. I don't know which of these will resolve themselves or which I can handle by lifestyle changes. The anxiety seems to be abating. Afternoon sluggishnish is probably managable. Sinus congestion, I'll have to see. The most problematic are the weight gain and sexual dysfunction. I have authorization to add adderal to my mix--which I may do very carefully. I have moved all of my dosing to am today and am seeing how that goes.
Let me know how your cocktail is going.