Posted by pellmell on October 6, 2001, at 13:36:48
In reply to feel brain - dead, posted by amyw on October 6, 2001, at 11:22:05
When I was 19 (only four years ago) I was diagnosed with depression. My major symptoms sound a lot like yours: big problems concentrating (in class I couldn't remember what the teacher'd said 30 seconds ago), and absoultely no social ability (I couldn't think fast enough to keep up in conversations). I'd always had low confidence and persistent feelings of self-loathing, but not being able to think drove me lower than I'd ever been. I'd never been terribly outgoing, but at least I was smart...and I couldn't even hold on to that anymore. At the end of the day I'd walk as fast as I could from my last class to my room, and stay there until hunger or something made me come out. I overspent for the temporary high and worked constantly to keep myself away from social interaction. When I finally went to see someone, I told them I thought I had some sort of disease or parasite eating away at my brain.
I'm on different meds now, but then 200mg of Zoloft augmented with lithium did wonders for me. I would probably still be on that now if Zoloft didn't make me useless below the waist.
Consider talking to your doctor about augmenting the Zoloft with something else. YMMV, but lithium worked very well for me.
I think I have an idea of what you're going through...while I was never suicidal, my quality of life was dismal. Worst of all, I thought I deserved it. It was a such a revalation when I was told I had an illness, and all the bad I was feeling wasn't a result of my lack of will.
Good luck, and keep us posted.