Posted by Ann NY on May 15, 2001, at 18:34:30
In reply to Reward Deficit Syndrome. » Elizabeth, posted by JahL on May 15, 2001, at 17:27:26
Your situation sounds so sad, I'm sorry you feel so empty (?). You've never been happy? How old are you? I hope you fall head-over-heels in love soon. That's always a good six week high. Do you trust people? (pls. ignore all if too invasive)
In addition to brain chemistry, it sounds like your psyche is crying out for help. If your Mom has similar problems, maybe she wasn't capable of giving you - a child - the essentials, love, intimacy, affection and all reliably so. Did your family know you were suicidal at 6 years old?
You may want to read some books by John Bradshaw. He has some interesting views and he's an easy read. I don't agree with everything, but he has helped both me and my sister understand ourselves much better which is a good spring board to recovery and happiness.
I too never took hard drugs because I was afraid I'd like them too much. Try to stick with your good instincts for awhile longer. Yes, opiates and cocaine were anti-depressants in pre-1900's Europe and China, but lots of Chinese women would commit suicide by overdosing on opium. I know you're desperate but it may not be the best alternative for you while you're feeling suicidal.
Please don't despair. If you shoot yourself acute procrastinators like myself won't be able to read your posts (instead of writing a term paper). I've had those thoughts too but the future does bring hope.
Hope you'll be feeling better! Hang in there – and keep us posted!
> Hi Elizabeth.
> I'm not looking to take sides here but I've been a long-time observer of yr posts (since back in '99) and I've never seen anything wrong in yr opioid use, given the context in which you place it.
> What's caught my attn is this 'reward deficit syndrome'. Anhedonia & cognitive dysfunction characterise my 'depression'. I can honestly say (with the exception of brief SSRI-induced euthymia) I have never, ever, experienced pleasure. As young as 6 or 7 I wld openly express suicidal urges. Despite being suicidal I'm not so much depressed as emotionally desolate; I have this overwhelming 'craving' feeling, like something's missing.
> I have been a heavy 'substance-(ab)user' (self-medicator) in the past but *never* had *any* addiction probs. Gave up a 30 unit a day binge-drinking habit overnight. Piece of p*ss. The only drugs I've never tried are the opiates-always felt I'd like them too much.
> I guess my question to you is, does this ring any bells? Do the eternal anhedonia (like my mum, *zero* mood reactivity) & 'craving' sensation possibly signify anything to you?
> *To anyone out there; I'm not looking for Elizabeth's tacit approval to take opioids. Just after her (what I consider to be) informed opinion on what I consider to be a viable treatment option for a *small subgroup* of depressives. & guess what? I've tried more meds than her (if that's possible). I'm not looking to get high. Been there, done that. Compared to shooting myself (the last option), *trialing* (*possibly*) opioids is a walk in the park.
> Thanx for any help E,
> (DISCLAIMER: opioids can be habit forming & addictive etc etc)