Posted by zarathustra on February 13, 2001, at 22:36:43
Please help.
My doctor tells me I am depressed, I have taken Zoloft, paxil, prozac, effexor, serzone, wellbutrin, and manerix.
I had success with paxil, and zoloft, the first time I tried them; I discontinued due to profound sexual side effects, and when I tried again, there was no effect whatsoever.
The other meds had very limited effects; most just gave me a little "taste" of normalcy.Please bare with me, I am having trouble thinking, and remembering the thoughts that were just in my head.
I will give you a little background. I am very smart (99th percentile), so they told me when I was about seven, and doing poorly in school. I was called a daydreamer, lazy, and distant.
I was place in the regional gifted program for 4 years, and consequentially excluded from any of the activities of my peers.
I left the gifted program against my parents wishes, and entered the "mainstream", just about the time I believe I started becomming depressed. I stumbled through high school, eventually dropping out.
I have had 31 jobs since leaving (I am 26 now) I often think that I may suffer from add.My problem is this:
from a young age, I have taken a very "scientific" view of existence, I feel ashamed of being human. We are no different than a plant or an amoeba, in purpose or importance.
Emotions are chemistry. There is no god, no divine purpose, good, or bad. We are ants in ant-hills.
These are not just thoughts; I can't enjoy anything in my life without something comming into my head which diminishes it, or deconstructs it down to molecules. My doctor says I am rationalising my depression, but I seem to refuse to acknowledge that I am even depressed!
I feel that I just see life more profoundly and for what it really is: a farce.I cant think, my judgement is severally impaired (so is my spelling) I feel like I am really going crazy. Everything is so cold.
I sleep about 12-14 hours a day and cant stop eating. I see no future for myself (I cant even see beyond tommorow).
My mind is mush.Apparently, i may be sufferening from partial complex seizures as well, I have these dream like deja-vu every few months in which I smell my hands and enter a kind of "dream like" state (conciousness not impaired).
I also shake pretty badly sometimes, and anger attacks are becomming more frequent.ANYWAYS, i feel quite ashamed for expressing all of this, my hope is that somone can recomend a med, or somehow link together all of my malfunctions.
I am going to request a tca from my doctor, as I have never tried them before.Please help, I really don't know what to do, I'm losing hope.
Andrew.
poster:zarathustra
thread:53933
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010212/msgs/53933.html