Posted by Alii on February 10, 2001, at 15:40:52
I've been lurking here since 97 off and on with my own cycles of depression. I've been struggling with major depressive episodes since 1994 but have exhibited signs of depression since late childhood. I've been on 10 different medications since 1994. I'm so tired of the fight.
I was so frustrated with the side effects of Wellbutrin, mainly the insomnia and brain fog--no memory, no dates, no numbers--and just in January I added Buspar to the mix to help take the edge off so to speak. I didn't give it enough time. I was fired from my job without any warning. I had been very forthright with the company about my disease. I will be filing with the EEOC when I am a bit more stable. It fits the Title I of the ADA. Like I need a legal hassle now! Bigger fish to fry now.
My relationship of the past five years with the one I so truly loved is over which means my housing situation is once again in flux. I am so low so tired so unsure of why I fight this fight.
I'm willing to try the Wellbutrin and Buspar if the Buspar can help with the edginess of Wellbutrin. It was working fairly well for the past year and a half, almost two. I have done the SSRI's to death and the side effects were unbearable. I spent 4 years trying the SSRI's. Just affording the care I need to live right now is exhausting. I am a person of little means. I don't know how I can afford the meds? But my ups and downs on and off the meds sure have shown me that I can't afford not to take them yet. I still hold out hope that I can become medication free some day. Yes, I still struggle with accepting this disease as such. I feel flawed, unworthy, wrong. Forever the square peg in the round hole.
I have friends that are wonderful. I have learned to create a support network over the years, I have good people opening their hearts to me and in a moment of humour (all hope is not lost, just misplaced for a while until the meds kick in) like Sally Field, 'they like me! they really like me!!'
I see the pdoc on Monday afternoon. Saw the therapist this morning. Friend calling in a few minutes. Another coming to take me to her place for the night. I will get through. I just needed to finally put it out there for fellow depression folk. Thanks for listening to my rant. I'm going to go find a cool washcloth to soothe my puffy eyes. I haven't cried so much in years since the last dark hole. = (
Any Wellbutrin Buspar success stories would be most welcome. Hey, make one up just to make me smile. I need some hope!