Posted by S. Howard on December 2, 2000, at 16:58:14
In reply to Re: AmisUlPiRiDe: reply to S.Howard, posted by JohnL on December 2, 2000, at 5:05:55
No of course I didn't really take it as a sales pitch. I just meant that the symptoms you described in your first posts- being reserved, passive, quiet, shy- are very familiar to me. I take depakote and seroquel for anxiety and insomnia and they work quite well, but nothing has helped my social phobia. I pretty much avoid everybody but my immediate family, including my neighbors and even old friends. Often, making "small talk" is just agony for me. I don't mind writing (obviously) but real social interaction,
particularly in a crowd, seems to be beyond me these days.
I understand the risks of self-medication, but I'm anxious to try this route because I don't have a great relationship with my psychiatrist, and we are both at fault. I don't keep all my appointments because, some days, I just can't force myself to leave the house. This upsets her and I am charged for missing appointments, even though she schedules patients only 15 minutes apart. Fair enough. However, she takes extended trips to Pakistan without referring me to another doctor during her absence, possibly because of
the appointments I've missed. I don't think this is too professional. Also, she's quite young, and I am beginning to think that I need a pdoc with more experience. In the meantime, while I scout around, I would like to try these other drugs.
While I'm waiting for them to arrive I will find out as much about them as I can, and use them as conservatively as possible. If they work, TERRIFIC! You get all the credit and my deepest
gratitude. If they don't, I will set them aside with the paxil and the prozac and the wellbutrin
and go from there.
I just have to keep trying! The other night I was watching 'Papillion', probably one of the best movies ever made. There is one scene where Papillion is dreaming or hallucinating from starvation. He walks up to a magistrate and says
(something like) "I didn't kill that pimp." The
judge says, "I accuse you of something much worse than being a pimp-killer. I accuse you of the worst crime a human being can commit. I accuse you of a wasted life!"
Then old Steve hangs his head and says, "Guilty."
Wow, that got to me.
Anyway...thanks for everything. Sorry if this is overlong.