Posted by S Howard on November 19, 2000, at 2:41:35
In reply to Re: Suicide.....on Effexor » Jen111111111, posted by LouF on November 15, 2000, at 23:49:25
Please ask for help, obviously the Effexor is not working or not working well enough. In the hospital, they can moniter your reaction to different drugs. While this might make you feel like a guinea pig, think of the months or years you will save while your pdoc tries out medication that may or may not help. I believe anybody with suicidal thoughts should be hospitalized immediately - it probably saved my life. I didn't want to go to the hospital but once I was admitted, to my absolute shock, I felt a great weight lifting from my shoulders. I didn't have to pretend I was "normal". I didn't have to force myself to go to work. I didn't have to feel guilty about the cooking and cleaning that I wasn't doing. I had other people to talk to with the same kind of problems. I felt like I was finally getting help after so many years of "toughing it out" on my own. I got a sedative if I couldn't sleep (but only if I asked). Nobody tied me down or forced me to do anything...eventually I felt so incredibly relieved, so cared-for by the doctors, nurses, the other patients and the people who came to visit, that I didn't really want to go home!Please please consider asking your pdoc to admit you to a good hospital.As for your father, I know it doesn't help to say that you should feel no guilt...but you shouldn't. Not only did you have nothing to do with his death, the course he chartered for himself in life was AWAY from you. So you owe him nothing. In fact, in my wildest dreams, no matter what the circumstances- come hell or high water-
I could not imagine abandoning my kids. I would die first. But my father did it to me and your father did it to you - so, again, we owe them nothing. We owe them less than nothing.Very occasionally in this world, what goes around comes around, but this is only serendipity. People rarely get what they deserve. Your father wasn't "punished" with death because he left you...it just doesn't work like that, although we usually wish it would. Like I said: he made a decision to leave and not look back - he chose his own destiny, and you had nothing to do with it.
I watched my beloved aunt die horribly from cancer. She was so sweet and so much fun; she loved people, loved to party, had a heart as big as Texas...so why her? It was so wrong, so unfair, but these decisions are not ours. After a time, although she was still breathing, I knew her spirit was gone. It had emerged from the withered shell of her body and flown away, free from pain. While her body still responded to physical stimuli, this was simply a programmed, knee-jerk reaction and not a concious decision. She was gone, she had BEEN gone. Her body was simply a vehicle to get around in this world and she no longer had use for it.
Although this is strictly my opinion, I would have opted for cremation in your father's case. The purpose of an open-casket funeral is to allow mourners a last goodbye...the purpose is not to horrify. I'm sure your father's friends wanted to remember him as he was before he was burned.
Finally, your father was not in as much pain as you imagine. First, because we have drugs that can reach any pain. Second, because burning cauterizes the nerve endings. This would only be the case for a no-code- otherwise you would have quite a lot of pain to deal with (with skin grafts, etc.) and, down the road, concern about addiction.
Time to shut up! My prayers are with you.
-Gracie
poster:S Howard
thread:48879
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20001115/msgs/49053.html