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Re: support

Posted by MisterB on August 13, 2000, at 18:01:28

In reply to Guys' girls' support welcome :-), posted by Kath on August 12, 2000, at 21:19:08

Kath,
I have some gay friends but I have been lucky to select, or by chance find friends that respect my boundaries. Most know if they don't, they won't enjoy the pleasure of my company. On rare occassions when somebody violates those boundaries, I don't blame myself much, but maybe I deal with guilt differently.

My perspective is that well-defined moral structures yield more feelings of guilt, whereas boundaries based on arbitrary personal preferences yield feelings of ambivilance along with reactions aimed at achieving those preferences.

The part of your reaction that concerned me, actually of your hubby's reaction, was the threat to put him in a mental hospital. Psychological services are often used as tools of social control rather than to promote health. A more appropriate warning might be that, if he does not behave so people are comfortable around him, he will end up in a residential care facility for the elderly. There, staff are (or should be) trained to deal with sexual harrassment. Maybe he wants some age appropriate company, and is alienating younger people in an effort to find what he really wants.

Threats to use legal force, in my opinion, should be specific. His desires are not illegal. Soliciting prostitution is illegal, as is sexual battery, sexual assualt, or lewd and lascivious behavior, depending on your state and municipal laws. Legal boundaries are not contiguous with personal boundaries.

If I have a thematic point here, it is that abuse breeds abuse, and that abuse of authority in response to sexual abuse forecloses opportunities to reach the heart of the problem. Looking at it with detachment, I would say treat it as an interpersonal problem with him rather than weilding ambiguous moral authority. But I can't say I would act that way if my feelings were involved.


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URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000811/msgs/42776.html