Posted by ksvt on August 2, 2000, at 3:55:23
In reply to Re: feeling ashamed of depression » ksvt, posted by shar on August 2, 2000, at 1:19:58
> I wish I had a language that could take away coatings of shame, and pain, and anguish from people, and let them see the good person underneath, the person who deserves peace and happiness. I hope so much that you will feel better soon, don't forget to breathe, remember to eat, and rest.
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> I will be sending you good thoughts, and healing energy.
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> Now, here is my facial pain story, and it would be a happy serendipity if it helps you! I was experiencing what you described, for about a year, and then the pain was no longer episodic. I was in horrible, constant pain in the area of the sinus on the right side of my face.
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> I went to my regular doc, she figured sinus infection, and we did antibiotics. We did some more when that didn't help. I finally went to an ENT guy, he looked and looked, couldn't find anything, and gave me some pain meds. Later in time I ended up in an emergency med center coming out with a stronger antibiotic and more pain meds.
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> It so happened that I had a dentist appt. around then, and my dentist said she believed I had some decay under a bridge on the upper right of my mouth (in the back). This was a permanent bridge so I hated messing with it, but she pried it off, and lo and behold there was quite a bit of decay. And inflamation. And the teeth are very close to the sinuses, and...yep, I had one tooth extracted (the decayed one) and my relief was almost instantaneous.
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> Many times when people do have sinus problems they will report that their teeth hurt. Or go see the dentist because of that. I did not have a toothache, my pain was definitely located in my face where the sinuses were.
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> So, I would have never thought "dentist" for that pain. But, maybe you can go over in your mind about your last visit to the dentist, etc. It may not be that you have any tooth problem (wisdom teeth?), but it's something to think about.
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> Best of luck to you, and hang in there!
> Shar
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> > I saw a neurologist today. I've been having intermittent and at times very acute episodes of pain to one side of my face since Dec. In search of an explanation, I've been to an internist, an EMT guy, an allergist, been treated with 2 different courses of antibiotics and had 2 different CT scans all to pretty much no avail. The neurologist was the EMT guy's idea, but the neurologist couldn't figure out much either (he thought it was a sinus problem altho that avenue has been explored pretty thoroughly). The upshot was that he decided I should just be treated for facial pain of undetermined origin which, he claimed was not an unusual by product of depression. (news to me) He's prescribed small doses of elavil which, I guess is supposed to increase my pain threshhold. When I realized that he was pretty stumped I found myself pushing the idea myself that it was all stress/depression related, which is sort of my answer to everything. I despise having to relate my medical mental health history, and this time was no exception. I just came away from this appointment unbelievably depressed - that I had to let one other person know about my depression, that this sould bother me at all, that there are so many physical conditions that are too readily passed off as depression related, that I'm going to start taking another med which will do nothing to address a root cause, that all this is happening at a time when I was in the process of switching some meds and has disrupted plans somewhat, that because of this the neurologist had to talk with my pdoc, that both of them were questioned by my pharmacist who was curious about these prescriptions being called in in such a short period of time, and most of all, that I'm dealing with everything so miserably. I'm sure this sounds pretty rambling. The neurologist's office is in a hospital. I could see tons of people all around me dealing with really horrible stuff, so I feel like I have no reason to be depressed - but I get worn down by thinking of myself as a person with a disease (particularly one that shames me so much that I hate talking about it even to doctors) I make myself feel like I'm wearing a scarlett letter or something. This post probably seems pretty incoherent (and feels very inconsequential) but I hoped it would distract me from lying aroung thinking about hurting myself, which is pretty much what I've been doing. It doesn't require a response.Thanks everyone - I felt better for having sent the post and definitely better reading your kind responses. There are all kinds of situations where you have to reveal at least some medical history. No self respecting dentist, eye doc, etc will treat you without minimally asking about current medications. I think this encounter yesterday was a bit worse because I live in a pretty small area and the neurologist lives on the periphery of my neighborhood, and while we didn't really know each other (perhaps by sight) we certainly knew about one another in the way that frequently happens in smaller towns. Also, it's kind of like Janice said, you hear yourself talking and feel like you're really describing someone whose a mess. I may feel like a mess, lots of times, but I work very hard (too hard) to disguise that. Very few of my family even and my friends know anything about my depression altho it's been an immense part of my life for the last several years. Nibor and Shar - the neurologist does want me to get checked out by my dentist for TMJ altho he thinks that even if I have it, it would not fully explain what's been going on. I'll check to make sure it's not some sort of a tooth problem at the same time; I've always discounted that as a possibility since I had a set of full mouth xrays not real long before all this started. Until recently, I had the most wonderful internist - she was the one person whom I minded least that she knew of my "other" life. I'd go in for an annual physical, and when I'd acknowledge upfront that whatever symptom I was reporting could be depression manifests itself in so many symptoms that are similar to the symptoms of other conditions, she'd say something like "you're absolutely right and that's why it's so important to look at each one of these carefully to make sure that it is or is not depression related." I never felt stigmatized. Alas, she made the wise personal decision to take a few years off. Thanks again - ksvt
poster:ksvt
thread:41956
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000729/msgs/41990.html