Posted by Rick E. on July 7, 2000, at 22:41:31
In reply to Re: to Rick from kerry B, posted by kerry B on July 7, 2000, at 1:24:10
> Hi Rick, How are you going today? Really feeling well and on top of things I hope!!
> Please, don't apologize for your messages being to long because they're not. I have all the time in the world to read them and writing is a very good way of getting things out of your system O.K?
> I didn't realize your boys were that young. Well, I'll tell you my experience with my boys. When I had to leave my ex, my youngest boy was only 2 and the other was 5 but he was away in a boarding school on the other side of the country (Lebanon) and already I hadn't seen him for six months before I left.(I don't come from there, we moved there because my ex was Lebanese). So i painfully said good-bye to my 2 yr old which broke my heart and was taken to the airport where I caught the plane home.
> It was 2 1/2 years until I saw them again. They arrived back in Australia and my youngest one was rather shy of me and I felt a little strange to, he didn't know me either. Everyone kept saying to him this is "mummy" and it wasn't long before he began to feel at ease and call me that too. The eldest, even though he sort of knew me, was shy too but that's understandable. It would be confusing for the kids. What I'm trying to say is, even though they don't recognize you from a photo, real life contact makes all the difference because there is that parental bond there and somehow the kids feel this. I hope I am making sense.
> Actually, the son that came to live with us for a while was the youngest that didn't know me when we were reunited so what does that tell you? The bond is always there!!!
> If all else fails, though I'm sure you will win!, the boys will certainly be asking their mother questions about you, their dad, so she is going to have to tell them you exist. What about your parents, the grandparents of your boys, do they ever see them? It would be really sad if she denied them access as well.
> I'm glad you have found someone to share things with. She sounds very supportive and treats you well and with respect. I think, if she met you the way you are and knows everything about you, she will stand by you.That's really great. You must get on well together.
> Rick, you are a good person and capable. You have proved this through the past few years. Just think, you've got through all that, this should be easier for you now because you are not giving in to the down side. You have a destination to reach and I don't think anything is going to stop you from reaching that. Stay positive!!!!
> I remember reading a book once by Barbara Johnson and what she used to do to keep happy was buy products with names like "joy" or "Comfort" anything that had a positive word on the label and she would look at them each day and they would brighten her mood. I actually still do that in the bathroom as my shampoo is called "Spirit & shine" so that lifts me up each day. It's worth a go.
> Of course you are going to have your down days, but they are like days of greiving and you must allow yourself to feel that but don't let it rule over everything else. Enjoy your days and your new partner and I know it will all work out in the end. The judge sounds like he is a blessing to you. Lets hope he will get to the bottom of this because no father should be denied access of his children. I think people who have committed crimes are allowed supervised access so don't worry, you have peolple on your side especially the greatest one you could ever have.
> I actually said a prayer for you this-morning after I read your post and I will keep on praying for and for your kids if you want me to?
> As I've found, sometimes we have to go through the toughest trial and at the time we don't understand why but at the end, it all works for the better, for us, so please remember that and try to stay positive.
> Gosh, I hope I'm not lecturing you, I don't want you to think that, I am just concerned.
> O.K. Promise, this is my last comment on your post:
> Your life will change dramatically when you have your boys, but our lives have to change all the time because we are growing and learning in every way, we, maybe, have learnt and changed in a different way to others but we should be glad of that. If everyone and everything was the same and our lives never changed, how boring would that be? I look at new things as an adventure, never knowing what is going to happen next. Try it, it will make a difference!!!
> Sorry, I'll tone down next time, but once I begin to write, I just can't stop. Better go now as I have some work that I haven't done yet. Stay cool and keep smiling!!!!!
>
> KerryKerry,
Thanks again for your enlightening words, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your thoughfulness. I was involved in a thread above that seems to have spun out of control, and was actually starting to dislike this place for the first time, but I rethought that thought, and I know there are alot of positive people here, and many, like me, that prefer to remain thinking those positive thoughts.
I like your idea of having "happy products" around the house, and as I was thinking about my new apartment, I realized that my girlfriend does just that...this place, I let her decorate because she does so well with that sort of thing, and then I realized how many happy things are all around me here. I really like that, and I agree with you, I think it is working.
I was ordered by the court to take a psychological test, along with my ex-wife, and my parents, who have also filed for, and been denied, visitation with the boys. She is vindictive enough to do that. So anyhow, I took the test today, it took hours, and I am hoping that I did well, although I wonder how they measure doing well on a test like that. I have to meet with the court psychologist in a month...and my court hearing for visitation is not until September 26th...so I still have a ways to go, but at least I have found some help for my depression and I am once again able to focus on my goal: to make my kids a part of my life.
I have thought about how difficult that first meeting is going to be, and I know it will be, but it has to start somewhere, so I am going to focus less on the first meeting and more on the relationship that I want to have with them. Without a supportive mother (at least as far as I am concerned), it is going to take some real thought as to how I approach them...in all aspects...I just want them to know how much I love them, and eventually, someday, they will know that I always stuck in there and kept fighting for them. Your situation parallels mine in alot of ways, it has been almost 2 1/2 years since I've seen my boys too! What a shame, and a complete waste of much human energy on all sides.
I really, really, appreciate the thoughtfulness of your prayers, and yes, please continue to pray for me, as will I for you, in fact, everybody on this board is included in my prayers every night!
(Even the ones that I seem to have problems with:)Well, that's all for now, have a busy weekend planned, so I will try to get on when I can, hope yours is wonderful, and I hope you are feeling well. Please keep me informed!
Rick E.
poster:Rick E.
thread:39632
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000630/msgs/39749.html