Posted by Kath on July 7, 2000, at 10:56:44
In reply to Re: Back 2 Kath, posted by Jennifer on July 7, 2000, at 1:00:46
Hi Jennifer - Thx for the update on your situation; keep me posted :-)
I re-read your long post again this a.m. I'm not doing all the hard-line stuff at this point, but reading it helped me so much to figure out just exactly WHAT I'm going to do & WHERE I'm at!! Thanks so very much. I'm sort of at stage 1 (for example I told my son that after serious consideration I have decided not to press charges for the theft of the money. That it was the first time he'd ever stolen anything from us & that if it happened in the future, or if there was intentional damage to our belongings/property, charges would definitely be laid.) When I checked with the police, they won't put stuff "on the record" unless you're pressing charges - otherwise I'd have had them put it "on the record".
Again last nite our son slept in his sleeping-bag on our lounge on the back patio. This a.m. when I looked out the window he was looking at the list of resources I'd given him :-) I went out & told him that he needed to find somewhere else to live; that although it might not feel like it, we DID love him alot; he probably felt like we hated him & he probably hated us right now, but we do love him. (He got a few tears at that.) I told him that if he decided to go to any of the supports I'd listed, he could phone me. If he had a plan in place & needed to get there we could discuss it. I've decided that I'm going to be VERY firm but also as loving & supportive as I can; also VERY clear to him that the love & support does not change my requirements of him (which at the moment are to find somewhere else to live). He asked if he would be able to get some more of his things & I said yes, he was allowed to go in & get them now. He said, "I can go IN??" and I said I was giving him permission to go in now. I let him have something to eat & a shower & said he must know that this did not change my decision in any way. I think he finally "gets it". He said that he had a place where he could stay IF he gets a job. I had already printed off some of his resumes & put them in his knapsack when I left it out. I get the feeling that he really knows we mean it & that feels good.
I'm feeling sort of crummy & good at the same time!!
Thinking of you; keep in touch.
Hugs & hugs, Kath
P.S. - I would kill to go to California again! (Well, almost.)
> Kath, sounds like you guys really have it together and are doing all that you can. OK, Ontario is a bit far to go for tea from out here in Southern California. You could come here for wine tasting though (since you and your husband are the adventurous kind!). I did find out about my BONE DENSITY tonight. I have osteoporosis in my right hip (the one that's been hurting so much). Which is totally out of spec for a "young adult". I did double check that the phrase "young adult" applied to a 37 year old, and they said yes...guess that was at least good! Apparently the specialist has gone home and took my file and my BONE SCAN results with her. Uh-Oh. The nurse says I may hear from her tomorrow. Doubt I'll sleep much tonight! I'll drop another note when I hear more. Keep the faith! Jennifer
>
> > Jennifer - I just read your reply to my post that you saw second. I'll be waiting to hear how things go for you. You'll be so sick of collecting pee!!
> >
> > I wish I had been a no-nonsense Mom. I really wasn't & boy do I regret it now. Mind you, my 24 yr-old daughter went through alot (although she had things happen to her which affected her alot & it's a different situation). She is now in recovery from drugs, alcohol & sex/relationship addiction. I am SO proud of her. She's doing so well & taking such good care of herself now. It gives me hope re: my son.
> >
> > I guess the best way you can help is to be there. Your post was enormously helpful!!!! I need a kick in the butt to be FIRM (not my butt! - although maybe that would firm it too!) I think just knowing that you know what I'm going through & are there if I need to spout (babble) helps. I live in Ontario about an hour directly North on Yonge Street from Toronto. I'd love to sit & have tea with you! Oh well.
> >
> > Please take care of yourself.
> >
> > Kath
poster:Kath
thread:39446
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000630/msgs/39671.html