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my heavy heart

Posted by Rach on June 16, 2000, at 21:39:28

I feel like a rubber band, stretched to the limits. Anything, at any moment, has the potential to send me over the edge, snapping me in half. I am constantly living on the edge of a deep chasm, teetering on tip-toes. A feather could send me tumbling into the darkest depths below. My friends and family are watching from the other side. Unable to touch me, unable to pull me back from the danger. I can see them screaming for me, and occasionally a word or two drifts over to me, breaking into my sphere. The air around me is thick and suffocating. I am in my own bubble, ignoring everyone and everything. And it was ME who placed myself here.

My stomach is churning. My heart is aching. I am physically in pain. I have been holding back a turrent of tears for so long now. I am terrified that once I start crying, I will never be able to stop. I need to sob. I need to be held by someone who loves me. I do not have the courage to show that extent of emotion. Not even to my family who loves me unconditionally. I need so much, but I won't allow myself to fulfill those needs.

I am still in the middle of exams. I am stressed. I am depressed. The dam of tears I have built up over many, many years is starting to show signs of fatigue. It is cracking. I keep patching up the cracks. I have to hold on until the end of exams - I cannot free myself to the truth just yet.

It hurts.


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Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:Rach thread:37595
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000610/msgs/37595.html