Posted by allisonm on May 23, 2000, at 18:49:25
In reply to Re: Therapist Relationship, posted by Cindy W on May 23, 2000, at 10:15:40
Your story made me laugh because last week I did just what you did -- divert the conversation to work-related stuff. I always get irritated with myself for doing that, but this time I think I got something out of it. I suspect my situation is similar to yours in wanting to please everyone. I have made a practice of trying to placate people so that they won't be mad at me later for whatever reason, real or imagined. When my mother was alive, for example, and I knew I was going to disappoint her --like not being there for some occasion or other, I would do extra things for her or make extraordinary concessions before the event so that she might not be so disappointed later. My doctor and I call it "buying insurance."
Besides the continual pandemonium at work, we talked about my boss confiding in me more than she should about her insecurities and outright fear of our big boss in the job she has. It can and has become burdensome to carry that extra knowledge in my head. So my doctor turned my listening around on me as an example of buying insurance, but I still think it also has a lot to do with wanting to keep my job and get a good evaluation.
Your situation where you work in another capacity with your doctor would scare the heck out of me. Does it help to have him so near your own work? Does he understand better than an outsider what you have to deal with or is it harder? Do you have enough exchanges with him at work that you have to worry a lot about what he thinks on that level too?
In any case, I've got another appointment Thursday and hope we can get somewhere on topics that seem more at the root of things.
I started reading "In Session" last night. Thanks again for mentioning it.