Posted by Valley Girl on May 22, 2000, at 14:34:47
In reply to Re: Self Realization - How did it happen?, posted by Tom on May 22, 2000, at 12:57:33
> Can you say specifically what triggered your catharsis?
>I wish I could, I would bottle it and sell it!
It seems I had enough. It was time for me to just let go of all of the stuff that was keeping me depressed, whatever that was. People look outside themselves for strength, for god, for emotional support, stability, we need to look inside ourselves for all of those things. It is the scariest thing to do. Sometimes it is just black, the depression, the hole.
For me, it was seeing my brother after 20 years. I visited him in prison and cried my eyes out. I hadn't cried in about 10 years. I was an emotional cripple. I work two jobs. I live alone. I was running from emotions, and hiding in depression. My spiritual awakening happened when I realized that I was the only one that could change me. I was in control. No one, nothing, no higher power pulling the strings, just me.
I am psyhic and empathic. I hear voices, all the time. They aren't for me! I am a psyhic sponge and I feel everyones' emotions and I was a basketcase because of it. Now I know that these feelings weren't mine, they were other people's. Does this make sense? I was picking up on other people's vibes when they lived 2 miles down the street! I still do, I just know it isn't me, it is them. This is very hard to describe. I hope I don't sound crazy. For years, I thought I truely
was. When I finally told this therapist about my voices, she looked at me with no suprise and no judgement, "Well, you know they aren't for you". Wow! Anyone else would have locked me up for being schizo!
My psyc. nurse practioner said exactly the same thing and showed me some techniques for shutting them out. So, before I go to sleep, I hit the off button.I made a vow not to be judgemental. The saddness I feel in some of you is like quicksand. For me seeing the reactions that some of you write about medications, and taking something to fall asleep, to wake up, to stop anger, ect. Maybe we just weren't made for this kind of society. I think it is a sad commentary on life when we teach our children that money and things are the most important, instead of reaching our unique, untapped spirituality, and being kind and considerate of each other. When we drive our kids to excel at college, jobs, do the best you can, what kind of stress are we handing them. We should teach meditation, reiki, empathy, from day one, then maybe all of us would be able to handle what we are handed.
Valley Girl
> > I have not posted lately. Celexa was the reason for my posting at all the last time I was here. I had just started it and was having terrible side-effects.
> > My psyc nurse practioner told me to stop after 5 weeks on 20mgs. She then gave me a sample of Effexor. I still have it, that was what, 5 weeks ago. After reading posts here, I was terrified of taking it. In the past Paxil didn't help, anitriptyline(spelling)?, hospitalization. I was depressed not crazy!
> >
> > Everyone here is different and unique and quite empathetic and bright. You all have your reasons for doing the meds and whatever else you need to heal your ailments. Believe me, I know what depression is. I have been there my whole 42 year old life. The hole keeps getting deeper and deeper and then someone fills it in with dirt, the problem, your still in the damn thing!
> >
> > When posting, at first my anger was there, on the surface, people here tried to comfort with words of "God" or "get over it". It really made me mad. For you see I am still an athiest. Always will be. Prove it to me. Anyway, being this athiest, I have had a truely good experience, I am not depressed anymore! This is the absolute first time I have not been depressed! Angry, sad,lonely, but not depressed. Expressing these emotions instead of supressing them has made the difference. The only word I knew for how I felt was depression. Does this make sense to anyone?
> >
> > My therapist said that I actually looked physically different, beautiful. The psyc nurse practioner, said exactly the same thing. She said I glowed with inner beauty. Like a I had a spirutual awakening. Well, maybe, all I know is I feel like someone else. A better someone else that can face the world with all the crap in it and say this is me. Maybe the depression was a gift for me. It made me realize that I was strong enough to take it. Fight it, survive it.
> > Depression is inherited in my family, like red hair, small hands and psyhic ability. It's the Irish, Druid influence......
> >
> >
> > I have been told by my therapist and others that I probably will never go back to my deep depression. That is the dramatic change they see in me. Oh, I will get depressed but it will be the same as anyone, I will get out of it.
> >
> > Take care. I don't need meds. I don't think I ever did. I just needed self realization. I hope everyone here can get well.
> >
> > Valley Girl
poster:Valley Girl
thread:34021
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000517/msgs/34306.html