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Scott-Thanks for Understanding

Posted by tina on May 15, 2000, at 13:06:13

In reply to Re: Don't stop being civil, posted by SLS on May 15, 2000, at 12:45:38

I was a little upset by the way you just dismissed my feelings, but no permanent damage done. Thanks for the explanation and understanding of it's source.


> Hi Greg.
>
>
> Thanks for posting your thoughts.
>
> > Very insightful, very true, a point well taken.
>
> I just wanted everything to be all-better.
>
> It was Pollyanna-ish and short. I was just about to go to bed.
>
> > BUT, I think you're missing the point here. No one is trying to suppress the topic, it's an important topic and obviously a sensitive one to many people. I have learned a lot from reading the posts that stuck to the subject. The issue here is verbal and unneccessary abuse.
>
> The discourse along this thread prompted a member of the community to write:
>
> "Can you all just agree to disagree and drop the subject."
>
> This is not to this person's discredit. I really didn't mean to single this person out and direct my reply at him/her personally.
>
> * Dear person, I apologize for having seemingly directed my post at you. I guess the subject-header could have made you feel this way. I just wanted to say something that might help to prevent the need to drop a subject. Sorry.
>
> I could easily see myself writing the same thing if I had allowed myself to become emotionally involved in this abusive discourse. I know how emotionally charged (unintended pun) issues like this can be, and how easy it is to become antagonistic once intense personal feelings and opinions are challenged. Without condoning those who have written the provocative and abusive posts, I do not find it difficult to recognize the humanness of the authors. People are the way they are. Who knows how they got there?
>
> There is absolutely no way to stop someone who has committed himself to provoking an abusive discourse, short of preventing him from posting. On the other hand, interacting with someone who has said some pretty mean things because his judgment has been influenced by intense emotion, or simply due to his temperament or level of maturity, might influence his behavior and perhaps change his perspective. You can try. If this person continues to be abusive and demonstrate a propensity towards pottie-mouth, one can just walk (click) away. If one continues to read, write, and become upset, it is because he chooses to. I know the "choice" is usually more like a "reaction". However, it is important and productive to recognize that one is actually empowered with choice.
>
> > Scott, I don't think its a matter of blame, its a matter of respect.
>
> I think it is a matter of responsibility - one's responsibility to himself.
>
> "Hey yeah - I don't have to respond to this guy. I'll just get more upset anyway."
>
> Blame? Blame the troubled person who has been abusive for abusing? Blame the abused person for getting upset because he chose to continue the abusive discourse? I don't know. I just try not to allow myself to participate on that level. If, during the course of an argument, someone calls me an asshole, I get upset. If I continue the argument, I will probably be called an asshole again. If such an argument occurs face to face, it is not so easy to escape the abuser, especially if one must be around him all of the time. Besides, abusers will often follow you once you turn around and walk away.
>
> We have it much easier here.
>
> Silence can be very persuasive.
>
> If you really want to abuse the abuser, just ignore him - always. Of course, it is perfectly appropriate to choose not to.
>
> I know it is far easier to say than it is to do. It requires quite a bit of discipline. Sometimes it helps me when I pretend I am a professional. A professional what? It really doesn't matter. (I happen to be a professional non-professional).
>
> > I spent some time reading the Constitution today and while it STILL guarantees free speech, no where in the Bill of Rights does it guarantee a person the right to be abusive while exercising that free speech.
>
> > This is what's happened here. I fully support Dr. Bob's decision to try and block the offender from posting again. I'm sure this makes me a horrible person in some people's eyes.
>
> Not mine.
>
> It is saddening to see this, though.
>
> > I say again that we must consider the new people coming to this board, choosing what to read is a touchy area. I compare it to driving down the freeway and coming upon an bad accident, you know that its probably going to be bloody and disgusting, but its human nature that we just HAVE to look anyway. Do we want to be responsible for pushing away a person who is desperately looking for our help and support by choosing to be offensive while exercising our right to free speech? I don't. Thats what I choose.
>
> I am a bit of a rescuer myself. I would definitely want to step in and do something if no one else were to. In this situation, I think it might be more productive to console the abused person and say, "Don't listen to him - let me point you in the right direction" rather than reprimand the abuser by saying, "don't say that (you asshole)".
>
> The people here who have jumped in to help have done a much better job at handling the situation than I could have. I admire them.
>
> I really haven't encountered too many posts in which someone is being abused. I am usually not attracted to the subject headers along the threads that contain them. When I do, I can't help myself but to click on another hyperlink. I just don't have enough time or energy to spare to become involved with such juvenile behavior. Usually, there are enough paramedics around anyway.
>
> > I hope I have not offended anyone by my opinions here. It certainly is not my intent.
> >
> > Greg
>
> I hope I haven't either, although I think I probably have.
>
> I'll think about this stuff some more.
>
> Thanks again, Greg.
>
>
> - Scott
>
>
>
> > > ECT is an important topic.
> > >
> > > I choose what to read.
> > > I choose what not to read.
> > > I choose who to read.
> > > I choose who not to read.
> > > I choose what to write.
> > > I choose what not to write.
> > >
> > > Just choose.
> > >
> > > Don't blame others for your choice.
> > >
> > >
> > > - Scott


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poster:tina thread:32651
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000508/msgs/33484.html