Posted by Greg on May 11, 2000, at 9:39:41
In reply to Re: To Greg Neurontin, posted by gloria on May 10, 2000, at 13:45:50
Sorry to take so long in responding, I needed to take some time to think about what my story is.
I was in an abusive situation as a child, both mentally and physically. Three days after I was born my Mother gave me to my Grandparents to raise, she said " I just don't have time to raise another child", real nice huh? In the times she would keep me for a day or two, she would always take me to the bars with her (she was an alcoholic). She would introduce me to her bar buddies as her 8-year mistake. I was the result of a one-night stand and there is an 8-year difference between myself and my youngest sister. As you can guess my Mom and I were never close.
Being raised my my Grandparents was good and bad. My Grandma was the most loving and caring person I've ever met, and I've missed her so much since she died. My Grandpa however was VERY old-fashioned and took no crap from anyone. If I did anything that he perceived to be out of line, I got a beating. A yardstick, a belt, his hand, whatever suited him at the moment. My sisters, on the other hand, could do no wrong in his eyes. As you can imagine, I carry around a lot of baggage about all of this.
What got me to where I am now... I believe I've had depression for many years but never identified it. I suppressed my feelings because I was raised to believe that boys don't cry, and you NEVER discuss your feelings. What a load of crap, huh? I had lower back surgery (2 disks removed and a fusion done) in September of 1998. I've never been able to tolerate pain well and was in severe pain following the surgery for about a year. I was initialy (sp?) prescribed Vicodin and Soma, then was changed to Norco (Vicodin in its pure form) and Soma and eventually put on the Fentanyl patch (synthetic Morphine) along with the Norco and Soma. All of these being narcotics, It wasn't long before I was very addicted to them. After a year of this my health became so bad that I finally realized I was killing myself. I was so depressed that I lost the ability to function, I really just wanted to die. I had myself committed to a Detox facility where, thankfully, I was able to kick the narcotics. But after leaving Detox the depression was even worse than before, I was so fatigued that my wife would have to help me shower, I would go all day without eating as I didn't have the strength to cook for myself. I basically layed around all day doing absolutely nothing. Finally I was sent to a pdoc who initially dianosed me with clinical depression, although I've recently been "upgraded" to generalized depression, anxiety and mild panic disorder.
I currently take Wellbutrin, Xanax, Ambien, Neurontin (which I take for pain but has other medicinal effects) and Ribaxin. I tried Effexor but had severe memory loss with it and had to be taken off. My "med cocktail" (God, I love that expression) seems to be handling my depression, but my anxiety has been running rampant lately. The Xanax calms me down, but I'm really concerned about becoming addicted to it so I'm going to talk to my doc about some other options the next time I see him. I still get depressed some days, but its nothing like it was before. As you may have read from other posts, I am a recovering alcohlic (12 years sober). I'm still not sure whether I believe that alcohlism breeds depression, or vise-versa. But somehow I believe their connected, maybe the need to avoid dealing with life by self-medicating?
Well, thats basically it in a nutshell, I apologize for talking you ear off but once I get rolling I just ramble on. How is the Neurontin working out for you? I really hope its helping, but if not, remember that there are a lot of things out there to try and you WILL find something that works.
Probably much more than you wanted to know, huh?
> >Hi Greg, well I had quite a lengthy post written but somewhere in trying to post it I lost connection so will have to go with a short version. Yes my panic attacks were severe. I was having them maybe twice a day and was becoming house bound from them. They started about 3 yrs ago, one day when I was just outside with my dog. It lasted for about 2 hrs and I ended up in emergency room and they ran all the EKG's and stuff and diagnosed it panic attacks. Put on Lanoxin for about a year (I know, why that but I was just beginning and stupid, I didn't know anything about panic attacks)after a year Lanoxin seemed to be causing more anxiety so was put on beta blocker which really stopped the cycle of the attacks for several months. I did not care for beta blockers as they slowed down my metabolism to much and I was trying to do some excersing to help keep weight dowm and just was not working out. Then I went to several SSRI's and all their side effects and decided no more of them either. But they did help to control panic attacks. Pdoc then put me on BuSpar since it had been several months without an attack and he didn't really know what else to try at that time. I like the BuSpar but I don't think or maybe I am just afraid it won't hold out or be strong enough. Now I went to see my regular doc the other day and laid it on the line that I could not afford a pdoc anymore and would she be willing to let me try some different meds within reason. After some searching and asking I wanted to start with Neurontin. I have a friend who has very good results with this for panic attacks and now just hoping I have the same luck. You said this seems a mild drug to you. I guess I felt just the opposite, I was scared to death to try it. Well that's it. Hope to hear from you again. Would like to hear your story. Gloria