Posted by Mark H. on April 28, 2000, at 1:36:35
In reply to Re: On Line Support, posted by Danielle on April 26, 2000, at 22:01:27
> Mark,
> Wow! Thanks for the reminder. You are right I am expecting too much... My dh is the one who bought the land, decided to build and also the one who signed the boys up for baseball!Dear Danielle,
Ahhhh, I'm glad you told me, because "depressed husbands" must learn humility and limits, must take extra care to express gratitude and respect for their families, and especially must not fall into the arrogant trap of setting up a bunch of high-maintenance projects with which they cannot follow through, thereby adding to the burden placed on their spouses and children! You won't meet anyone more sympathetic to your husband's suffering than I am, but I would be very firm about telling him "no deal" the next time he suggests something that will add to the family's stresses and disrupt the predictable routine that he requires if he hopes to regain his health.
I'm sure part of you is very angry at him and rightfully so. Not that it makes anything different in the short run, nor does it change the accommodations your family must make for his illness, but anyone who's depressed and chooses to buy land, build a new home, and set up baseball games 35 miles from home seven days a week is BEGGING to have a major depressive breakdown. I'm tempted to start name-calling.
Anyway, Danielle, my heart goes out to you in this difficult situation. You really need to take charge and start setting the boundaries and limits for the whole family. Your husband's doctor should back you up. Your husband needs to stop kidding himself and make a genuine commitment to adapting his lifestyle in a way that will lead him back to health. If he's too stubborn or too sick to take his illness seriously, you may need to hospitalize him for awhile.
I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Mark H.
poster:Mark H.
thread:31332
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000420/msgs/31545.html