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Re: I'm *not* a perfectionist!!! SLS

Posted by Racer on September 10, 2004, at 10:23:07

In reply to Re: I'm *not* a perfectionist!!!, posted by SLS on September 10, 2004, at 7:46:32

Well, being [never mind *how* old] now, and having been through this before, it's hard to say. Right now, I do feel in control of my weight, and I don't -- because I *know* that I have to gain, and I even plan to eat more some days, but then I can't do it. So, I'm not feeling all the way in control, but yes, a lot of it is about control. In my case, I'm more aware of needing to "control" my emotions, through hunger and hollowing myself out, sort of vacuuming my skin onto my bones, and never feeling full or satisfied, because that would mean losing that control. But it's also the weight itself. And no matter how much I really do know that I can't keep losing weight, every time that scale shows lower numbers, I cheer a bit to myself. (I'm approaching double digits, and find myself hoping every morning that I've gotten there.)

The mirror thing? No, not like BDD, in that I know that what I'm seeing does relate to reality -- but in the way that you probably resemble your brother, you know?

Gotta go -- we're late. Again. {{sigh}} Love you!




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