Posted by Racer on February 24, 2004, at 21:53:05
In reply to good suggestions, guys..., posted by shar on February 24, 2004, at 19:56:49
I'm feeling about that way, too. I've had my chance, it's time to step away from the table and give my space to another player. Right now, I'm in that space where I can't talk to people, speech is too difficult for me to manage, but I can still type. Today, amongst other things, I've been trying to define what I feel. As you have probably gathered, that's not my forte. So, I make up word pictures of what it feels like. Often, I find that it's much easier for me to deal with it once it's defined.
(In the '89 earthquake here in CA, I was in a car, someone else driving, on a bridge that has always scared me. I was totally hysterical, thinking the bridge was collapsing because of the traffic load for the World Series. You know what happened? Guy in the car ahead of us said, "It's an earthquake," and everything was fine again. I know about earthquakes, I know what you do in an earthquake, I know I can live through an earthquake, I know that earthquakes are scary but not generally all that dangerous. As soon as it was defined for me, I could handle it.)
So, would you like to play a little game with me? Maybe others would join in, too? We could make a game of trying to express what we're feeling in little word pictures and see if it helps?
In case you're interested, I feel like an overblown balloon. So much pressure inside, barely contained, and if I relax at all I'll blow apart. I also feel like a blown egg: hollow, with a fragile outer layer, like a shell. Hollow, in this case, because everything inside me has been eaten away.
What else, you ask? Lots, but that's the overriding sensation right now. If you offer anything up, I'll match ya right back. If you don't think this is a game for you, that's fine, too.
Meanwhile, don't you realize you've helped save my life, and my cat's life? My life might not be worth all that much right now, but you should get to know my cat. He's wonderful, and such a boon to the world. Your impact on him is incalculable. I'm profoundly grateful to you for helping keep him with me, by keeping me here to treat him for his kidney disease. Thank you.