Posted by Phil on February 13, 2004, at 10:09:48
In reply to Re: Phil, you said you didn't want help, but..., posted by noa on February 12, 2004, at 22:42:29
Despite intellectually believing people care for me, it goes in one ear and out the other.
It's not that I don't appreciate it, it's that I can't afford to trust or care. You would have to grow up taking care of drunks to understand. You are loved one minute and invisable the next.
When I'm under stress, these feelings come rushing back and I'm deep in my disease right now.
One of the last women I was seeing(cumulative speaking, I've been in relationships for maybe 2 out of the last 32 years, that's the truth). Anyway, her mom was dying from cancer and I went to the hospital with my girlfriend to see her. I'm good at hospital stuff.
A lady in her early 60's walked up to us pulling along her IV thing. She was obviously very ill. She asked why we were there. My girlfriend said she was there seeing her mother, who was terminal. The lady looked at me and asked, 'and you?' I said I was there to be with my girlfriend. This sick angel looked me square in the eye and said, 'you run well on a muddy track.' I excused myself, went to the bathroom and wept till I couldn't anymore.
Unexpected kindness to an ACOA has that effect.
My girlfriend had no idea why I reacted that way.
I enjoyed sharing 18 years with my mom sober. Despite it all, we were best friends. She died Christmas of '93. If only my love could have saved her...
I know this is probably too raw of a story to share here but let me try and ease your minds a little. My mother had a terrible addiction but she beat it and I was so very proud of her.
That's why I've fought for people not to take their own lives here. God will see me through with his infinate grace. If you let Him, he'll see you through as well. Never give up.
Well, now that y'all are miserable, I feel pretty good. "C'mon kitty, lets go chase some cars."
Phil & Jules da cat
"C'mon Jules, how many times do I have to tell you not to smoke in the house? Do as I say, not as I do!
What do you mean that's not fair? Listen buster, I pay the rent here and as long as you live under...
Okay, okay. Two packs of Marlboro reds, a 12 pack of wine coolers. YES, I'll get the good catnip you little junkie. Oww, oww oww, get your fat butt off my back you heathen. Okay, I'm going. (I slam my robe in the locked door and realize my keys are in the house) C'mere kitty, who loves you? Yes please, throw me the keys and my cowboy boots. I TOLD YOU I'D GET THE KITTY LITTER YOU SAW ON TV! You better have your room cleaned up when I get back. Oh, threaten to call the Humane Society, huh? Okay, I'll get the fish but you can forget the Range Rover."
Sorry guys..family business. No families are perfect, you know.
"Don't let me get back here and find you with that alley cat again and stay out of the refrigerator!"
I hate roommates.
But I love my fellow babblers. "It is the truth Jules! Why can't you be like Fred's cat?"