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Re: Pursuing "Life" while still recovering

Posted by Cn. Michele on December 31, 1999, at 23:37:54

In reply to Re: Pursuing "Life" while still recovering , posted by Scott L. Schofield on December 31, 1999, at 14:19:03

>
> > I've read several posts where some of you function extremely well on the outside, a.k.a. university classes, careers, professions..all those things in life many people (including me :) want. Although my depression is stabilized through the Wellbutrin/Ativan/Ambien/Sonata combo, it is still very difficult for me to commit to almost ANYTHING unless it's the spur of the moment. I rarely make plans in advance because I don't know if I'll be able to keep the commitment...depends how I feel that day! Anything from
> 'having lunch with a friend' to going to classes at the right time on the right day...terrify me.
>
> It’s a lonely place to be.
>
> > Is this just a social problem I have which has nothing to do with depression? (lack of being able to commit and do something. Girls I work with take 5 classes at college, raise kids, a husband, and a home, hold down a full time job, and they function perfectly well. I can barely make it to one class each day faithfully. Any advice? Maybe this is where I need to talk to my theraist. Anway, just seeing if anyone else out there has this problem. Doesn't seem like it, but if anyone does, I'd appreciate any help. Thanks, and Happy New Year Everyone!!!!!!Love, Joanne
>
> How do they do it?
>
> During my brief glimpses of remission, most of which having lasted for only a few days, life seemed like such an easy and exciting place to be. I didn’t have to push myself to do anything. Even dental flossing was pretty cool. I was very gregarious and very self-confident. I had enough energy to do whatever I wanted.
>
> Then came relapse into severe depression. There is a sort of timeless about depression. It seems like it has no beginning and no end. It is hard to retain and acknowledge the memories of how easy and enjoyable life can be without it. Memory tends to be state-specific anyway. After being depressed for long enough, it doesn’t seem possible to me that people can actually do the things they do. I feel like a lonely, sole Neanderthal trying to live in the modern world.
>
> When nothing else in the world seems positive enough to rationalize remaining in it, I try to recognize that I *have* had good periods during which I *knew* that everything could be good (or at least better). However, I cannot necessarily remember the experience. I can only know that I had one. I can’t remember how it felt. I can’t remember how it tasted. I can’t remember me.
>
> I doubt that this will help any, but I hope it allows you to feel less alone.
>
>
> - Scott

I can relate profoundly to everything you say. I am in a state right now in which I am not the woman I was 2 years ago - alright, none of us are the people we were 2 years ago but I am talking about a loss of personality, drive, will. Everything is an effort and requires a huge amount of willpower. I have a 16 year old daughter and she is the reason and sometimes the only reason I get up and work. I used to run long distance (15 years) sew, work, run house. God, this is hell on earth, no doubt. My heart goes out to you Scott and all of us here so tormented.

Thank you for sharing your feelings here - it has meant A WHOLE LOT to me. I am not alone now.

Cn. Michele


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Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:Cn. Michele thread:17724
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19991212/msgs/17755.html