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Re: Depression and Relationships

Posted by Michele on December 24, 1999, at 7:00:40

In reply to Depression and Relationships, posted by Nancy on December 24, 1999, at 1:58:31

> I am fairly new to depression (that almost sounds wierd to say), but it has been pretty bad for me since August. Around the time that all of this began, I started a relationship that has been barely stringing along through all of my mood swings and rough times for the last three months. I didn't really know what depression was until it hit me, and I didn't know how long it would last or if it would worsen, and I just grew to fear it. In the meantime, this relationship that I thought (and wished) would work out was slipping away, and on the days that I would feel better from the meds I would pretend that everything was normal, and on the bad days I would just have no contact, as a way to hide what was going on. As of now, I think that I have finally found a combination of medicines that will work for me, and I feel like my head is above water (hopefully for good). I desperately want to save this relationship that has started out very rocky (I have not said anything about my depression), but I feel as if I have already failed in my part of the relationship. Part of me also is afraid to give it 100% for fear that my depression may come back as bad or worse than before. So I guess what I am asking is, has anyone else out there experienced what I am feeling? If so, how do you deal with this?
> I also would like to say that I hope that this board has been as therapeutic for others as it has been for me, reading it has probably helped me as much or more than visits to the doctor or my meds. I just wanted to thank everyone for being so supportive, as I think that no one can truly understand this disease until they have experienced it. Peace.
> Nancy


I'm glad to hear you are felling better. I am in a similar boat. Only I have been in a relationship (as much as a depressed person can), and I feel like I don't even know what it will be like now. I just started feeling better. Fortunately for me, he is a wonderful man who knows about my illness and is wonderfully supportive. Not that I could appreciate anything the way I was. I am like you because I'm petrified of "it" coming back. Since feeling well is so new, I'm afraid to go to sleep at night because I'm afraid I will wake up in the mouth of depression again. But, that is no way to live your life, at least if you ask me. I have lost so many years to this disease and I don't want to waste any "well" time worrying. I do know the fear all too well though. About this guy, do you find him to be understanding and supportive? If you do, I would tell him. Nobody is perfect in this world. Maybe it will help him to understand the "unpredictable" nature of your relationship. Or, if you aren't ready for that, how about just telling him you've been doing some thinking, have gotten some things worked out that were bothering you (not a total lie!) and tell him you would like to spend some more time getting to know him. Anyhow, let's both agree to do our best not to waste "well" time worrying! Please let me know how it goes. And, if you decide to tell him and he bolts, well he wasn't worth it then. You've been through enough and you deserve better. Merry Christmas and best of luck!





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