Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

Re: Non, je regrette...

Posted by Judy on December 3, 1999, at 11:55:35

In reply to Non, je regrette..., posted by Adam on November 29, 1999, at 1:17:18


I very rarely attempt to write a long, coherent post here because the 'word retrieval' problem which accompanies my depression is so bad that completing one sentence usually has me running for the thesaurus. However, I've thought so many times about your beautifully written Thanksgiving memories since I read them that I had to comment.

By the time I was halfway through your post, I found myself weeping - for your 22-year-old girlfriend who never truly understood your inability to cross the threshold of the door she held open to you; and for you, feeling better now, but left to sadly ponder how different your life might have been if not for your illness. Were the two of you 'meant to be'? Maybe. Maybe not. But the point remains that you will never know.

After reading Noa's and CarolAnn's responses to you, I was literally sobbing - for all of us! How cruel is this disease that we are all regretful, bitter and even angry at the lost dreams, the opportunities missed and never knowing who we could have been if only... To add insult to injury, we also seem to be lacking the mental ability to make lemonade from the lemon that fate has handed us.

I guess I was lucky that my depression didn't become severe until after I was married and my children were very young; but that doesn't lessen the sadness I feel every day that I have not been able to be a better mother, wife, daughter, friend. I can't tell you how many school events and family and social gatherings I've made it through on auto-pilot if I was able to attend at all. I once told my doctor, when my children were still small, that I would rather be dead than to subject my family and friends to the way I was. He vehemently cautioned me about how traumatic that would be, especially for my children. To this day, I wish I had gone with my instincts and left them way back then with only a dim recollection now of my untimely 'accidental' demise rather than have them forever clearly remember my sometimes mere vegetative existence here, unable to offer or show them the love and support I felt for them. (Hopefully, they don't judge me as harshly as I do myself...but I seriously doubt it.)

One final comment - which is off-topic and actually in response to another post on the current board: I couldn't help but think, while reading your thread and the responses to it, about Dr. P. Breggen's assinine theories. I haven't read his books, and I have absolutely no desire to, but I guarantee there is no chapter in them describing his years of suffering from a disabling psychiatric illness and his miraculous cure brought about by a brisk walk around the block and a rousing talk-therapy session. Statistics be damned! If he hasn't personally walked a mile in our shoes, he is absolutely ignorant as to what this is all about. Not a clue!

Thanks, Adam, for your moving words and for letting me know that I'm not alone.





Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post

Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.


Start a new thread

Google www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:Judy thread:15903