Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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A babblers short story(long)

Posted by Phil on November 27, 1999, at 20:41:07

The more I know, the less I understand. Here's a very short synopsis of my life and where I'm at. Why?
Because I need feedback.
Raised by an alcoholic mother-actually from about 9 y.o., I was the parent much of the time. A very distant, although I think he loved me, step-father who had a pretty good drinking problem himself.
Of course, from early on, I abused drugs and alcohol myself...not that uncommon. You do what you know.
In my early 30's, I backed WAY off alcohol and seldom drink and don't miss it. I still use pot occasionally.
Started AD's around '85, amitrip...for about 5 years, then went off. Got involved in recovery, Adult children of alcoholics, al-anon, met some good people and did fairly well.
My Mom died 5 years ago and I faded from the recovery seen, including therapy-which I have spent a f-cking fortune on.
Got back on meds about 5 years ago, Paxil & Ritalin.
{Pooped out after about 3 years. I have gone through a shitload of meds this year and am really beginning to wonder if they really improve my life. When they work, it's great, but I don't do anything more socially than if I were deeply depressed. In other words, when my depression is under control, I still have a very dim view of life. It is getting harder to get excited about anything, depresed or not!
I'm 46, don't have any real goals, other than survival. Have avoided relationships like the plague and don't know if I will ever be equipped to deal with intimate emotional issues. I guess I feel used up and if tomorrow I don't wake up, I really wouldn't mind that much. I don't want to kill myself and doubt I ever will but I just feel tired of it all.

Thanks for listening and I will schedule another appt. with the receptionist,





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