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Re: "Coming out" to a loved one?(How I did it)

Posted by Adam on November 15, 1999, at 1:13:56

In reply to Re: "Coming out" to a loved one?(How I did it), posted by CarolAnn on November 12, 1999, at 16:50:25

I think I must respectfully disagree with at least one point: I would not say that depression, in all cases,
can be "cured". Rather, like diabetes, it is a chronic illness that can be managed, and that one can, with proper
treatment, lead a relatively normal and healthy life. I think it is only fair to describe depression in such
terms. Relapses can occur. Meds can poop out. Anyone who will share your life needs to know this, in my oppinion.

This (the problem of "coming out") has certainly been an issue for me. I was suprised to read that Racer had gotten
to a point in her relationship where cohabitiation was being discussed before depression had been. To each their
own, of course, but I think I probably would discuss my illness before becoming "intimate," however you define this
state of the relationship. I don't think I could be intimate in the truest sense without such disclosure.

> Racer, when I met the man I am now married to, I explained depression this way:
> I told him that I was being treated for a "chronic" condition. Just like some people have an illness called "Diabetes", I have an illness called "Depression".
> Actually, in a way(a very small way), depression is better than diabetes. After all, diabetics will *never* be cured, insulin just keeps the condition under control. With depression, at least there is always the possibility that the right medication will be found and it will be the cure.
> Anyway, I have found, in telling many loved ones about my depression, that the main thing is to help them understand the mechanics. Explaining that depression is a force that comes over some people and not some flaw in our sanity is the best way to help people learn what we deal with. Also, in any relationship, there will be problems if there is no confidence that the person will except *who* you are. Maybe, the best test of whether he is worthy of your love, will be seeing how he deals with the knowledge of your depression. Good Luck! CarolAnn




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