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Re: Drug abuse and depression

Posted by Adam on November 10, 1999, at 19:21:17

In reply to Drug abuse and depression, posted by tony on November 9, 1999, at 21:26:47

I don't know if I could have been characterized as a drug abuser or not.

When I was in school, and not on antidepressants, I drank heavily. But, being
at a small liberal arts college in New England, that seemed hardly unusual. My
problem may have been that all my friends were bigger than me, but it wasn't
unusual to get sick, and a couple times I even blacked out. It was my behavior
on "autopilot" that sort of kicked me in the rear and got me thinking.
Specifically, while doing a semester abroad, I and a few friends got silly stupid
drunk and ran around naked in the streets of a small city, which sounds funny
maybe, but is really rather stupid behavior given the possible consequences and was
totally out of character for me. There was the occasional "walk of shame" too (I'll
let you figure that out), to many some sort of accomplishment, but I always felt
guilty, and really got hurt/caused hurt once. My senior year I was pretty much too
busy to drink, I had a real girlfriend on campus for once, I spent time talking
to people instead of getting wasted with them. I partied on occasion, but always
with moderation. It was the best time of my life. I figured out I had really
wasted a lot of opportunities to interact with people as my real self instead of
as, well, another shitfaced college student. If I ever did things that were
"exciting" or "daring" or "funny" or whatever, could I really appreciate it, being
as drunk as I was, and was it ever really me? No, and no.

I also did weed and 'shrooms on rare occasions. I actually find these drugs, in
retrospect, far more benign than alcohol, and strangely have no real desire to
try them now, where the temptation to drink to excess still is there. I have on
occassion, luckily with no ill effects until just recently. In this case, I think
my antidepressant intensified my response, but I blacked out, did some stupid, stupid
things, and felt like a complete ass afterwards. It's just not worth it. This
is doubly true, I think, of those who have mood disorders and have the added risk
of potential drug interactions. I feel I need to experience life as lucid as I
can be, as real as it can be, and responsibly. Sober is just plain better. But
I'd never fault a soul for not wanting to be.




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