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Re: Daughter's inapropriate sexual behavior

Posted by Paul on October 26, 1999, at 22:04:11

In reply to Daughter's inapropriate sexual behavior, posted by Gigi on October 20, 1999, at 8:29:02

> I have a beautiful, extremely artistically talented 14 y-o daughter. My problem started last year with an internet affair between "Jane" and an 18 yo male.

What in God's name is an "internet affair?" Cybersex is not an affair, it's *chatting*, albeit dirty chatting. It's just *words*.

> It developed into an obsession and included alot of sexual verbal contact.

Obsession? How did you go about diagnosing this "obsession?"

Sexual verbal contact is better than sexual oral contact. Be happy with what you have.

> To make a long story short, we had the police involved

This is where it gets ugly. What possible excuse do you have for bring law enforcement authorities in to police the private conversations of your daughter and another individual over the internet (or any other medium)? You have no role in this conversation. The police have even less of a role, one also hopes.

> and ended up taking her to therapy for a while.

What exactly was the therapy supposed to cure her of? Her sex drive? Do you not want grandchildren?

This sounds suspiciously like "deprogramming" to me.

> It took a long time to get our trust level back and I thought things were fine.

Next time, butt out of her business, and maybe she will one day be able to risk trusting you again.

> I discovered the other day a letter she had written that was very explicit.

So you're reading her mail too now? Have you tapped her phone? Do you have her followed at school? Are private detectives involved?

> She is the type of child who is afraid to leave my side, but is another person when on the computer.

2 words: overprotective mother.

Maybe when you let her leave her side, she could express her own personality (heaven forbid).

> My problem/question is, where could this have come from.

She's a teenager. Deal.

> No one in my family has ever been like this and I don't know how to handle the situation.

What, there's been no sex in your family? I assume she's adopted, then (or perhaps you availed yourself of the miracles of modern technology)?

> Do I take her back to therapy, I would really like to know why she feels she has to degrade herself like this.

I was not aware that a little bit of relatively innocent sexual chat constituted a form of degradation. Is it degrading for young women to have sexual desires and express them in words? Would it be degrading if she were male?

> You have to understand that my husband is a very prominant physician in a fairly small town-he also is in complete denial that anything is wrong.

Maybe you should ask him about a little thing called "adolescence." I believe they go into this at most reputable medical schools.

> This is not something that I want anyone here to know about.

So you post it on an international forum...makes perfect sense.

Visit Yahoo. Search for teen chat. Read the contents. Your daughter is not alone in her time of trial. (And perhaps reading some of said content would loosen you up.)

Please. Let your daughter explore her sexuality in a safe place like a harmless internet chat room without getting police and therapists and God only knows who else involved in her personal life.




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