Posted by Kathy on October 31, 1999, at 4:00:53
In reply to Re: Anti-Placebo Effect, posted by Bob on September 9, 1999, at 8:48:11
> Outside consult? I think Kathy's therapist needs
> to see her own ... she obviously has feelings of
> inadequacy and failure in not being able to help
> Kathy progress, and so she is projecting this
> failure on Kathy to protect her own ego.
>
> ... and I'm only half joking when I say that.
>
> I do think Noa's advice is a good move. How can
> she continue to help you if she's got an attitude
> like that -- but is it enough to give up the
> relationship you have developed with her? I
think
> you might want to consider the same for your pdoc,
> if he really is so laid-back. Or, at least, try
> to draw out some guidance from him, get him to
> discuss what course of medication he thinks you
> should follow over the next six months or something
> like that.
>
> Cheers,
> Bob
My talk therapist and I parted company soon after this impasse. I know she was angry and frustrated because she couldn`t help me, but losing her hurt more than anything else in my whole life. As for my P-doc, I can`t imagine ever being brave enough to ask him this--as it is I don`t sleep at all the nights before my appointments. I`m always in so much terror that he`s going to imply that I`m a fool to keep trying meds, that it`s my own fault I`m depressed. I realize I`m projecting (I paid $40,000 for therapy that didn`t work,but I did get that much out of it). But I don`t know how to stop.I really admire all the people on this board who truly believe that depression is just a biochemical thing. I have so much shame about my depression. Deep down I believe I`m depressed because I`m bad and I`m bad because I`m depressed, that I deserve to be depressed because I`m shy and fat. Seven yers of therapy didn`t touch this belief, even though I know intellectually there are plenty of people who are shy and fat but not depressed. For the people who`ve been lucky enough to find meds that work-do they really change your deep down beliefs about yourself? That seems so impossible-as science fictionish as being able to pop a pill on a flight to Paris and suddenly being able to speak French.
poster:Kathy
thread:11227
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19991028/msgs/14282.html