Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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Clarification attempt

Posted by racer on June 6, 1999, at 5:32:47

In reply to Re: Suicidal. Change meds or increase dose?, posted by mila on June 6, 1999, at 2:45:39

I don't know if I was clear... well, OK, that's a fib. I wasn't too clear on my question there. Let's try again.

For almost a year now, I've been in a severe and serious depression. The drugs that have been tried have not worked to date, though there has been some improvement in some ways. Since I keep going into crisis mode this way (always seems to hit around 11PM on Friday, wouldn't you know it!), I know that the improvement isn't nearly enough. For almost four weeks now, I've done little else besides sit and cry. I'm in terrible shape, and I know it.

So, here's the real question: because of my history of side effects, and because the doctor is ready to stop seeing me (county doctor, low budget, no insurance, the usual), when this comes up, she's been raising the dosage, rather than discussing a change in medication. I'm not too unhappy about this, because I am, after all, the one who would be having the side effects. Still, it would be nice to stop crying, at least long enough to rehydrate myself. You know what I mean?

As for the Effexor XR, it hasn't proven terribly anorgasmic, though I have no sex life at the moment; I haven't gained weight, though I've continued losing which is bad; it's been very effective against the anxiety that usually accompanies my depressions. And it feels as though it's doing its best for the depression. Maybe that's just the anxiety not being there, but I don't feel as crazed and actively miserable. On the other hand, I want to nap all the time, suddenly go into crying jags, can't sleep on a semi-regular basis (like now - second night in a row that I'm up at 3:30), and gee, want to kill myself to end the pain. What's really scary to me is that tonight I started thinking in terms of ten months of pain to this point, and that no matter how uncomfortable death was, it was probably not nearly as bad as those ten months have been. It's really only the fear of being sick and hurting from the poison that has kept me safe so far. I really don't want to start talking myself INTO suicide. I'm trying to talk myself OUT of it.

Does any of that make sense at all? I have a hard time explaining myself when I'm this tired. Thanks for listening.




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