Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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Re: Relax

Posted by Toby on November 30, 1998, at 9:07:39

In reply to Thanks for keeping the link going, posted by DL on November 25, 1998, at 22:53:58

To learn to relax after a lifetime of being ready at a moments notice to do battle or fix a crisis (that may never materialize) or do someone's bidding.... Boy, you expect a lot from yourself in a short time. That's said with some jest, but seriously, to learn to relax after all that takes practice. You have to verbally say to yourself, "I deserve a break today (or this afternoon or tonight or this moment)" and then you have to do something that really IS taking a break, whether that's reading a book for pleasure (not work) or walking in the park or watching a video or doing absolutely NOTHING. Of course those nagging thoughts will pop in and out of what you could, should, have to do instead, but when you are PRACTICING giving yourself a break, you just let those thoughts come and acknowledge that you could, should, have to do other things, BUT NOT RIGHT NOW... RIGHT NOW I DESERVE A BREAK and continue to do the relaxing thing. Therapists have a saying, "Act as if..." which means that if you want to become relaxed, you have to act as if you are relaxed. If you practice this, eventually you will become relaxed because in order to continue practicing, you have to give yourself reasons to continue and you have to engage in relaxing behaviors and you have to remind yourself that it is OK to continue in the relaxing behavior. After awhile it will become habit, just like the old behaviors and thoughts were habits. For humans to change the way they feel, the behaviors almost always have to change first and then the feelings follow. It's almost never the other way around; for example, if you wait until you aren't afraid of heights to climb a tall ladder, it'll never happen. You have to climb the ladder (behavior) maybe a hundred times before the fear (emotion) vanishes and confidence (emotion) builds. Same with relaxation; you have to do the relaxing things for awhile and allow yourself to see that taking time for yourself does not result in disaster at work or anywhere else and then you'll be able to relax easier.

As for "taking" someone's time... no one can do that. Time is given, not taken (even really slow people in line at the grocery store don't take anyone's time, the other people can always leave the line, it's just a matter of priorities). No one on this board is having their time taken. If we didn't want to be here, we'd be playing solitare. Everyone deserves an ear.




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