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Re: Choosing a therapist ?

Posted by Daniel on April 13, 1999, at 8:31:09

Hello everybody,

This was originally intended to be a follow-up the the thread starting with "What is 'normal'?" and "Choosing a therapist," but I would like to receive replies from people with different experience, so I'm starting a "new" thread:

You may read in the original thread that I am considering to start a psychotherapeutic treatmet. I know the general guidelines on how to choose a "right" therapist for me, but there is one more question that comes to my mind:

Should it be a male or a female therapist? I guess this will differ from person to person and their experience, but is there any guideline who can offer "more help?" To illustrate what I mean: I was raised up almost exclusively by my mother alone - so there was virtually no male role model in my up-bringing, I had no "real" father to rely on during my childhood and adolescence. I remember being always very good friends with girls, boys seemed so superficial (I do not intend to hurt anybody here!); although I do have a couple of really good and close male friends, I almost never confide in them, I feel that in this respect my female friends are much more receptive and sensitive and accepting... to all these irrational and emotional matters that I have to discuss with them... it's perhaps strange, and I view it as strange, but I have a strong feeling that my male friends just wouldn't understand/comprehend(!) those things that I commonly discuss with my female friends...

So, as I have mentioned above, I am really good friends with a lot of girls (lots and lots more than boys), well, actually, young women/ladies (in their early 20s), but... but it comes to some problems when a question of my relating to them sexually is raised... I guess I have some difficulty here of nature that is not known to me as yet (I understand it needs a good deal of exploration), but I presume it has something to do with my single-parent up-bringing...? I do not feel that I am particularly dependent on or strongly/abnormally attached to my mother as you might infer, in fact, I live on my own, quite independently. And no, I am not a gay. Also, it might be worth mentioning here (I know I shouldn't go into much detail here as this is not a therapeutic session :-) that I had a couple of really nasty experiences with romantic affairs... OK, maybe they were not so "nasty," it was more my viewing them as a total failure. As a result, I became extremely cautious when venturing into any new affair again... Ok, now I'm becoming really confused, so I stop here.

I am not sure about this question with whom it would be better to discuss (and explore my views about) the issues of romantic relationships (a female therapist - for me it is easier to confide in a woman about any emotional aspect), my attitudes towards sex... (a male therapist - discuss it from men's point of view, and I guess I would feel pretty embarrassed discussing this with a woman...)

All thoughtful responses are greatly appreciated.

Thank you.





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