Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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Re: It's possible, unless treatment resistive

Posted by Nancy on December 6, 1998, at 14:15:37

In reply to It's possible..., posted by janey on December 4, 1998, at 21:58:01

> Nancy,
> During the worst of my depression (which is
> revisiting itself now), I was in a day treatment
> program at a hospital, and getting up everyday was
> a struggle, but it was either that or be an inpatient.
> something I NEVER EVER want to do or be again.

**I completely understand your distaste for the inpatient routine. My illness has consistently been diagnosed as Treatment Resistive Bipolar 1 with ultra-rapid cycling, mixed states and psychosis (the type you see in severe mania and severe depression). Although, my doctor is a renowned mood disorder specialist, the type of bipolar illness I've experienced is one of the more difficult to successfully treat. So, I'm familiar with inpatient episodes. I have never wanted to go back, but it happens to some us more often than to others. I hope that you remain free of the hospital.

> I have had sex since my depression came on, but
> with an "old" friend, I'm not ready for a "relationship"
> yet, whatever the heck that word means anymore.
> It was nice to see that the parts still worked.
> If I don't work, I don't eat, have a home, have my
> pets, and so on. For the past three weeks it's been
> all I can do to go to work. I was almost grateful
> for the intestinal virus I have had this week so

***Hold on to everything you can. Not every depressed person, including myself, has been as lucky as you. Like you, however, I have always been driven to be independent and have succeeded. That is until, at the age of 29, when my bipolar illness ceased being a liveable companion.

> I had a "real" excuse not to face the world.

***If you were too ill to function in society with a few days of the flu, then you have an excuse? But, what if you are too ill to function in society, because a biochemical disorder takes you down, then, you are what? Not excused? Punishable? Lazy? Free-loading? Self-destructive? Don't want to be beautiful, wealthy, and successful anymore? Just decided one day that you want to go live on the sidewalk instead of a nice home?
I don't REALLY think that you feel that way. I don't believe that you think anyone would want to lose everything, because of her illness. I don't want to think that you believe everyone who has tried medication gets well. I don't think we have a choice in the matter. A medication either works for you or you go on to the next thing.
Hopefully, the trial and error doesn't go on and on and on...

>I have no one to depend on, no one to "let" me crash
> and burn.

***Thankfully, I'm not a mother or a wife. I don't see how anyone's family can go through all this craziness. So, like you, no one said, "Honey, take some time off until you get well. I'll pay the bills".
I lived off of my stocks investments for the last couple of years. I have been too incapacitated to return to my one-hundred-thousand dollar a year job. But, I still have my convertible corvette.

>The idea of going on public assistance
> is abhorent to me.

***I, too, was disgusted with this option. But, my investments could only hold out so long. So, you can imagine at this point I was REALLY happy about life, right? Yea, RIGHT. Now at this point, I'm still miserably sick, unable to work, and finally, broke. To top that off, I had to get medicaid. So, I could continue seeing a doctor and trying drugs that were supposed to have ALREADY gotten me better. ha. It all makes me laugh. It's comical. I'd tell myself again and again that it can't get any worse. Don't ever say that! ha ha. Because, IT CAN! It REALLY can! ha ha.

> It's possible to have a life with this disease.

***For a long time, I've been nearly bed-ridden. But, this last month, I've been able to sit up at the computer. Also, it's been possible to ride a little bit on the exercise bike. I started Celexa on September 16th, while in the hospital. Since taking the maximum recommended dosage of Celexa, starting November 2nd, I think I'm showing some improvement.
But, the doctor has just recommended ECT (a treatment that he claimed is 95% effective). He said that my illness has gone on too long. Perhaps, after recieving sessions of ECT, that are scheduled in a couple of weeks, my life will be back to normal (minus the time and small fortune I've lost). He said that he has only one other patient that is treatment resistive like me. ECT brought her back into life. She goes once a month to get her ECT session as a maintenance therapy. He thinks that I might have to do that same thing. I've been creeped out about it for a few days. But, I know it's what I have to do.

> I'm of the unipolar depression variety. I am
> living though, and I'm getting along. I see my
> doctor, and I'm doing my "mood logs" again.
> I take my medicine, I meditate and I pray. I cry
> and I laugh. I bleed and I heal. I have to.
> janey

***As long as you're praying, pray that you never become treatment resistive. That's where you don't want to go.




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