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Re: Topless to the dumpster!! And other thoughts. Vent

Posted by LT on January 14, 1999, at 22:05:50

In reply to Re: Topless to the dumpster!! And other thoughts. Vent, posted by LT on January 14, 1999, at 21:53:33

> > Yes, I went topless to the garbage dumpster and about a
> > block to set some papers out for recycling. It was
> > 7 degrees above 0 and snowing, so, of course, I was
> > wearing a coat, but underneath I was as naked as a
> > jaybird!!! Ha ha ha. Won't try this in summer, though.
> > Might as well as some fun with these mundane tasks, eh?
> > I was quite proud of myself, as the garbage has been
> > piling up, and I have been intending to recycle that
> > bundle of newspapers, forever. Then, I even managed to
> > take a shower!! Woo hoo.
> > I'm starting to feel deja vue with my current
> > 'brain problems', difficulty thinking and focusing.
> > I just happened to have a fleeting memory of my Prozac
> > days. I remembered that one of the reasons I stopped
> > taking Prozac was that I felt 'zoned out' meaning I was
> > always feeling like I was between two thoughts; it
> > was hard to get to the next one. It was hard to think.
> > It used to annoy me when people would asked me a question
> > because then I would have to try and think. I'm
> > starting to feel this way now with the Luvox. I feel
> > like my brain is in no-man's land, like if there were
> > a box, there would be thoughts in the four corners
> > but my brain is in the center, and it takes effort to
> > capture those thoughts. I feel kinda dead inside,
> > kinda apathetic, like I just don't care. Any
> > have thoughts on this? I think I was taking 20 mg
> > Prozac at the time and also Desyrel (a small dose) for
> > sleep. Non, on the Luvox, I am tapering down, and have
> > been taking 100 mg the past week. Is this feeling
> > 'zoned out' a side effect of SSRI's?
> > Who knows? I'm tired of wondering. I like to be
> > informed, but can't seem to get any answers.
> > I have began to wonder whether there are any answers.
> > I wonder if I'm just not asking the right questions.
> > Although, I heard someone say today that even if you
> > ask all the right questions you might still not get an
> > answer. :( No guarantees. :( Patience? Persistence?
> > Perseverance? Do I have to go to medical school?
> > There's probably a book out there, I just have to find
> > it? Some people can just follow orders, I like to know
> > how 'things' work. It would make accepting some of the
> > these side effects easier, if I know what was causing
> > them. Is blind acceptance the answer? Ignorance is
> > bliss?
> > Three years ago, I lost confidence/trust in my pdoc
> > when I told him that the Nortriptyline was making me
> > tachycardic, and he poo pooed the idea and told me that
> > I was just anxious. :( Give me a break. I know when
> > I'm anxious. I know what my normal heart rate is. Why
> > couldn't he just say that one of the possible side
> > effects of Nortriptyline is increased heart rate,
> > instead of ignoring what I was saying? Seems like he
> > was/is in denial. I lost trust in his ability to tell
> > me the truth (especially on something so simple).
> > End of story. Confidence lost. I can handle the truth.
> > Did he believe what he was saying? Onward....
> > In my case, the thought stopping properties of Prozac
> > were welcome at first because I couldn't have the same
> > negative, repetitive thoughts (and believe you me I
> > tried to have them because that was what I was used to.
> > But, it was liking to trying to pass a large turd...I
> > was trying to squeeze out a negative thought (smile)).
> > So, at first, I was kinda pleased, but then was not so
> > pleased when I realized that not only couldn't have the
> > negative thoughts but that it was hard just having any
> > thoughts. There was a void, and I was hoping for some
> > new thoughts to fill the void, but it was slow in
> > happening. And the prozac made me feel this low grade
> > agitation, which I tired of, a constant
> > gnawing/grinding feeling.
> > I know I probably need to find a support group to talk
> > about this. That is to say, that this probably isn't
> > the right place. next ponderance/question is.
> > .....
> > Is there a 'relearning process' with these ADs? If
> > you've lived your life (28 years) with untreated
> > chronic depression intermixed with major depression
> > and then go on ADs long term, does altered brain
> > chemistry change things to make a person feel like they
> > are 'starting over'? I've think I noticed that life is
> > somehow different and I've had to 'relearn' some things
> > I already knew. I know this is vague. I'd like to be
> > more specific, but... I know that schizophrenics have
> > to go through a relearning process because they some-
> > times lose the ability to perform the simplest, routine
> > task they've known how to do for years (take a bath,
> > fix a meal, etc.). Could it be that if ADs improve
> > one's cognitive functioning, the world is 'anew', then
> > one has to relearn alot of the old stuff? Maybe not to the
> > degree that schizophrenics have to relearn, but still
> > to some lesser degree? Is this a real 'phenomenom' or
> > am I making it up?
> > I know you are out there. I can hear you breathing.
> > Well, thanks for listening. Thanks in advance for any
> > responses.
> >

Hi Janice, well three times is a charm, my internet provider messed up right after I
was finished with the post, now I can't remember what all I said (imagine that, can't remember!). I have no brain either, I feel the same about happy events as I do about sad events, just a dry face at least. I'm currently taking Celexa and Buspar, not working, I think the addition of Buspar just makes me feel bitchy. Bitchy and depressed, grrr. I'm going to take the suggestion of my psychiatrist about ECT, after I fugure out how to pay for the balance after insurance pays! Why don't you consider it also, what have we got to loose??? Memory? Can't loose what isn't there, right?




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