Posted by judi on January 14, 1999, at 11:37:05
In reply to Re: Zolfot induced hypomania, posted by Sean on January 11, 1999, at 13:24:25
> > I was treated for depression in my early 20's (with
> > amitriptyline and lithium) and went as longs as 4 years
> > on these drugs, and then went off, then on because I
> > kept wanting to be medication free. The last time I went
> > off, my doc prescribed zoloft and I landed on the moon.
> > Now it looks like I'm headed for combination therapy
> > again.
> > In the past few years I've noticed my ups have become
> > increasingly intense. It seems like what used to be
> > a quasi-unipolar situation has mutated into something
> > like bipolarity and seems to be getting worse.
> > Having read about kindling, and antidepressant induced
> > mania, I'm starting to get concerned about my crazy
> > mood swings. I actually like them in a way (I'm a musician
> > and songwriter) but my energy levels are making it
> > hard to work and I suppose it is possible I could be
> > headed for full blown mania.
> > Given the risk/side effects of the mood stabilizers,
> > can any of you offer experience or input on the possible
> > course of my particular illness? I'm beginning to think
> > I need to head this off at the pass but I'm actually
> > avoiding going to my doc because of medication fear.
> > So I'm medically awol at the moment, but suffering.
> > Can anybody relate? Have suggestions?
>
> Thanks for the response; I'm really glad I found this
> site. I think I do need to find a doc and get more
> constructive about this instead of fighting it. I'm
> glad to hear that bp2-1 switching is unlikely (although
> with enough sleep deprivation anything's possible!)
> I've become a "waiter", that is, when I feel like killing
> myself, I just wait for 3-4 weeks and it changes. The
> pain is incredible and I really don't function very
> well. Then somehow things seem a little better and
> the whole thing starts over again, up down, up down. It
> seems very natural to me in some way, like I have
> a psychological cycle of the seasons going on. It
> is just getting hard to deal with the rest of the
> world and I've managed to overspend myself into
> some serious debt.
> I feel that the psychotherapeutic work I've done
> has made me more aware and tolerant of these intense
> feelings and cycles. The problem is I sense it is
> getting worse and when I look at the actual percent
> of my life where I'm actually productive (work,
> music, being emotionally available to other people)
> I realize I'm below the 50% mark. This is no
> way to live. I'm missing out on a lot.
> As strange as it seems, the idea of killing myself
> seems very natural to me. I guess most people don't
> feel this way very often. I wonder what kind of
> urgency my artistic work would have if I never
> felt this was "the end"?
> But what could I create as a dead person? How
> much torment does one have to feel until killing
> one's self is reasonable? What is it like to be
> normal?
> This shit is tricky. But thanks for the advice, it
> seems more valuable coming from you folks than a
> doctor. I'm going to get help.
> Sean.
Hi Sean
I'm really glad you're going for help. Let us know
how things go. Unfortunately suicidal thoughts (ideation)
are really common in bipolar people. There's a vast
difference in thinking and doing but please let
your shrink know. Take care.- Judi
poster:judi
thread:2173
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990101/msgs/2393.html