Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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Topless to the dumpster!! And other thoughts. Vent

Posted by Janice on January 13, 1999, at 5:14:02

Yes, I went topless to the garbage dumpster and about a
block to set some papers out for recycling. It was
7 degrees above 0 and snowing, so, of course, I was
wearing a coat, but underneath I was as naked as a
jaybird!!! Ha ha ha. Won't try this in summer, though.
Might as well as some fun with these mundane tasks, eh?
I was quite proud of myself, as the garbage has been
piling up, and I have been intending to recycle that
bundle of newspapers, forever. Then, I even managed to
take a shower!! Woo hoo.

I'm starting to feel deja vue with my current
'brain problems', difficulty thinking and focusing.
I just happened to have a fleeting memory of my Prozac
days. I remembered that one of the reasons I stopped
taking Prozac was that I felt 'zoned out' meaning I was
always feeling like I was between two thoughts; it
was hard to get to the next one. It was hard to think.
It used to annoy me when people would asked me a question
because then I would have to try and think. I'm
starting to feel this way now with the Luvox. I feel
like my brain is in no-man's land, like if there were
a box, there would be thoughts in the four corners
but my brain is in the center, and it takes effort to
capture those thoughts. I feel kinda dead inside,
kinda apathetic, like I just don't care. Any
have thoughts on this? I think I was taking 20 mg
Prozac at the time and also Desyrel (a small dose) for
sleep. Non, on the Luvox, I am tapering down, and have
been taking 100 mg the past week. Is this feeling
'zoned out' a side effect of SSRI's?

Who knows? I'm tired of wondering. I like to be
informed, but can't seem to get any answers.
I have began to wonder whether there are any answers.
I wonder if I'm just not asking the right questions.
Although, I heard someone say today that even if you
ask all the right questions you might still not get an
answer. :( No guarantees. :( Patience? Persistence?
Perseverance? Do I have to go to medical school?
There's probably a book out there, I just have to find
it? Some people can just follow orders, I like to know
how 'things' work. It would make accepting some of the
these side effects easier, if I know what was causing
them. Is blind acceptance the answer? Ignorance is

Three years ago, I lost confidence/trust in my pdoc
when I told him that the Nortriptyline was making me
tachycardic, and he poo pooed the idea and told me that
I was just anxious. :( Give me a break. I know when
I'm anxious. I know what my normal heart rate is. Why
couldn't he just say that one of the possible side
effects of Nortriptyline is increased heart rate,
instead of ignoring what I was saying? Seems like he
was/is in denial. I lost trust in his ability to tell
me the truth (especially on something so simple).
End of story. Confidence lost. I can handle the truth.
Did he believe what he was saying? Onward....

In my case, the thought stopping properties of Prozac
were welcome at first because I couldn't have the same
negative, repetitive thoughts (and believe you me I
tried to have them because that was what I was used to.
But, it was liking to trying to pass a large turd...I
was trying to squeeze out a negative thought (smile)).
So, at first, I was kinda pleased, but then was not so
pleased when I realized that not only couldn't have the
negative thoughts but that it was hard just having any
thoughts. There was a void, and I was hoping for some
new thoughts to fill the void, but it was slow in
happening. And the prozac made me feel this low grade
agitation, which I tired of, a constant
gnawing/grinding feeling.

I know I probably need to find a support group to talk
about this. That is to say, that this probably isn't
the right place. next ponderance/question is.

Is there a 'relearning process' with these ADs? If
you've lived your life (28 years) with untreated
chronic depression intermixed with major depression
and then go on ADs long term, does altered brain
chemistry change things to make a person feel like they
are 'starting over'? I've think I noticed that life is
somehow different and I've had to 'relearn' some things
I already knew. I know this is vague. I'd like to be
more specific, but... I know that schizophrenics have
to go through a relearning process because they some-
times lose the ability to perform the simplest, routine
task they've known how to do for years (take a bath,
fix a meal, etc.). Could it be that if ADs improve
one's cognitive functioning, the world is 'anew', then
one has to relearn alot of the old stuff? Maybe not to the
degree that schizophrenics have to relearn, but still
to some lesser degree? Is this a real 'phenomenom' or
am I making it up?

I know you are out there. I can hear you breathing.

Well, thanks for listening. Thanks in advance for any




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