Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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Thank you all for listening & taking time to answe

Posted by racer on December 26, 1998, at 13:24:58

In reply to Head up, racer!, posted by Peter on December 25, 1998, at 16:45:41

I don't know what else to say about the situation. I don't even want to be around myself, so it's hard to blame my friends for abandoning me. I can't think of anything good in my life, or anything to look forward to. The only things that could help me are things that I'd have to do for myself, nad I can't seem to do any of them. There is no counseling available in my area for the truly low income. THe lowest sliding scale goes to $35.00, pay as you go, no billing, no paying off over time, and I can't even feed myself. If I could come up with money like that, I'd be able to eat and do things like that. I'd pay off my telephone bill, since that service is hanging by a thread. I'd pay the electric company, the garbage bill, fix my car. Yeah, I know that I need counseling, and would welcome it, but when it's a choice between the basics of life, well, there's not much competition, is there?

Here's something else that is really getting me down: I have impaired vision. It can be mostly corrected by contacts, but they're special contacts and cost about $600 per pair, which need to be replaced every six months or so. I can get around the house in glasses, but I can't see well enough to get around in the rest of the world with them. Nonetheless, the lenses are around $450, and again have to be made of a special material. Right now, I'm wearing glasses that I can't see out of hardly at all, because of the degeneration of a coating on them. My contacts are almost two years old, and covered with deposits that I can't get off. One of my pupils is always more dilated than the other now, noticibly so, and I can't afford to replace either the contacts or the lenses. Does this interfere with my ability to function? I'll let you guess on that one. But there's no where to turn. And when I think about it, it makes it worse, since even if I were working, I wouldn't be able to afford these things. If I tried to get state medical coverage, they wouldn't cover the contacts, and the lenses would be made of the cheapest material, which would be something I couldn't live with. Not only would I have a hard time getting around with glasses instead of contacts, but with clear lenses, I can't go outside or into a normally lit office, and the standard materials for glasses would be almost wraparound for me, the weight would give me headaches to go with the fishbowling and the headaches from that. I wouldn't be able to drive anymore. My whole life seems to be stories like that, problems that would go away if I could throw money at them, but there's nothing to throw. I can't even afford to feed myself.

My life really is as bad as it seems, which doesn't help with the depression. Anyone who's taken anti-depressants knows that the relief they may bring comes at a price, but I think this one I'm on is probably not the best, huh? But it's better than the others I've taken in the past, but I still don't want to eat, I still can't function, and I still hate myself and my life. It's so miserable, that I don't know what to do. The county doctor that gives me the anti-depressants keeps telling me that I'm imagining the side effects, or that I'm sleeping normally, or whatever, rather than listening when I tell her about the problems involved. I'm sleeping an average of three hours a night, I'm throwing up half of what I try to eat (and struggling with the rest), and my head aches all the time. I've been on these drugs for months now, and now I can't even keep them down, I throw them up most of the time, which is probably why this crisis came on. No, I really can't see someone else. I did look into that possibility. She is the only county doctor who sees adults. The guy who sees children won't see me, he says that she's a good doctor and what's wrong with me? You see, I've tried to do things, but it's so damn hard, and there's no one there to help me. I'm sick to death of this struggle. Now the county is sending me nasty letters saying that I've filled out the forms all wrong and they're going to cut off the anti-depressants. Doesn't it occur to them that someone who is on aid for being suicidal and depressed might have a problem with that attitude? It just seems as though everywhere I turn, another door is slammed shut in my face, and that I'm getting more and more walled in. I don't know what to do.




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Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

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